The Heart At Its Darkest
by chemicaljane
Summary: The dawn has broken and left Leah bitter and broken hearted. Leah seeks happiness and is determined to find it in all the wrong places. Edward becomes entangled in the dangerous games. Can they resist one another? Post BD, kinda OOC. Leah POV
1. Baby, I'm bad news

The universe hates me with a passion.

What have I done to deserve this? Was I an evil dictator in a previous life? Or maybe I was a deranged psychopath who burned puppies for fun? I don't know what it is I'm supposed to have done but it must have been really bad. Bad enough for the gods of fate to royally screw me over. They're probably sitting on their heavenly thrones right now, sending down random thunder bolts and laughing their asses off as they watch me flounder.

It's so bad I can't even describe my predicament out loud. It sounds so stupid, you'd probably bust a gut laughing and then your eyes would fill with pity as you realised that I was being deadly serious. _My name is Leah and I'm a menopausal, heartbroken, werewolf girl. _

See? I can almost hear the snickering at this moment. Or maybe it's just the rustling leaves in the wind? I come to the forest to tell all my secrets. I howl at the moon and cry silent tears. If only I really did have secrets. If only I didn't change into a creature of the night and allow other people to invade the privacy of my own thoughts, traipsing through my brain and leaving dirty footprints like an unwanted stranger. Maybe then everyone wouldn't hate me for being such a moody pain in the ass.

If I'm good at hurting the people around me it's only because people have been good at hurting me. Sometimes, it's possible to hate something or someone for so long you forget what made you so angry in the first place. Sometimes, that reason keeps on slapping you in the face repeatedly until your bruised and battered heart can't even pick itself up anymore.

I've seen the workings of Sam's mind and I know that the time we shared together has faded away. That's what hurts the most. The love we had for each other was instantly reduced to a speck of the dust the moment she arrived. He doesn't remember our relationship or think back to fond memories of us. I vanished into thin air and Emily neatly stepped into my place. It was as quick and simple as that for Sam.

It would be easy to direct my ire towards Emily because she was the one to change everything, or to correctly state it, destroy everything, but she never went out of her way to seek out Sam, it was all his doing. In truth, it destroyed both of us because she knew how much I was hurting and yet it was impossible for Emily to extricate herself from our relationship; she was already slowly but surely falling for Sam.

I was left in the cold, staring from the outside in, remembering how Sam used to look at me in such a loving way. But that's not the truth. He never looked at me with the love and adoration he reserved for Emily. I could have left them alone and been content to grief my lost love but no, I had to turn into a werewolf that broadcasted her every thought to every pack member and in turn was tormented by seeing and feeling every loving look that Sam held for Emily.

The most evil, shameful part of me that had regarded Emily's accident and resulting scars as a kind of retribution for what she had done to me was instantly erased when I found out the awful truth. I would have worn those scars that Sam had branded Emily with. I never stopped to think that I was already carrying those same scars too. And so, my bruised and battered heart kept beating in time with my pain…

It's not healthy to hurt this much. I'm sick of hurting and yet I don't know any other way to function. My anger has turned into a security blanket that I throw around me whenever I want to retreat from the world.

I'm more than happy to stay in the forest and wallow in my self pity but a voice interrupts me.

_Leah? Are nearby? It's getting late now, mom's getting worried_, I heard Seth calling me.

_Leave me alone. I'll come home when I'm ready._ Mom doesn't like it when I skip dinner. It's the only time we sit together and try to function as a normal family.

_Mom's cooking lasagne, that's your favourite, _he thought chirpily, hoping it would somehow tempt me into coming home. I can see him emerging from the forest trees. He saunters up to me and lies on the ground, his ears close to his head. I can sense another thought taking shape in his mind that's he's trying to withhold from me. I give him a moment and the picture becomes clear. We're not dining alone tonight.

_And who are the delightful guests we will be entertaining tonight?_ I reply sarcastically.

_Billy and Charlie. _He gives the names up without a fight.

Billy and Charlie. Oh, great. The first sniff of a home cooked dinner and Billy is rolling his ass up to our table before the food is even out the oven.

_Hey, that's not nice, Leah_, Seth says sounding hurt on Billy's behalf.

I forgot I was having an internal conversation. I'm sorry, I say as genuinely as I can. I'm still bewildered though. Has the town shrunk to the size of a postage stamp? My life has turned into some horrid soap opera with Charlie, of all people, falling for my mother. And then, Billy, father of the alpha jerk, has to be invited too? Ugh.

_They're nice people, Leah_, says Seth timidly. He says and thinks everything cautiously, feeling the anger that has been flowing through me uninterrupted for the past few hours.

I look into his deep brown eyes and I know that it's unfair to take my temper out on him so much. He bears the brunt of it more than anyone and yet he never complains. My heart softens as I contemplate just how much I put my brother through.

_Eew, I don't like it when you go all soppy on me, it doesn't sound like you._ Seth responds to my thoughts. His fur shakes as he shudders.

My laughter comes out as a loud bark.

_So you think being nice doesn't suit me?_

_No, it's just been a while since I heard the nice side, but I really like it_, he thinks quietly, scratching at the muddy ground with his paws.

_Turn around_, I order him harshly. He obeys immediately.

With a single tremor, my body phases back into my human form. A hot tear trickles down my face and I feel the wind's chill on my naked body as I look for the pile of clothes I left nearby. I change quickly into my dress and step into my worn tennis shoes.

"You can turn around now," I call out, brushing the dirt off the hem of my dress.

Seth comes out from behind a tree also in human form, wearing jeans and a thin white T-shirt that stretches over his tall, gangly form.

I'm grateful that our human bodies have separated our thoughts.

"Race you to the house," I say, breaking out into a run.

"No fair," I hear him cry out from behind as he runs.

I widen the gap between us, feeling the burn in my legs. "Last one has to set the dining table and wash the dishes afterwards,"

"Meanie," he whines but he's close on my trail. My mind goes blank as trees become a blur.

****

"Mom, you don't have to do the dishes tonight, Leah will do them for you," Seth says, looking at me and grinning widely.

I shoot him a menacing glare. "And Seth will do the drying up, won't you Seth?" I say flashing him a grin.

"You could give parenting classes, Sue, you've sure got 'em well raised," Charlie says chuckling, unaware of the private joke me and Seth are sharing. I get a sense of satisfaction from knowing he's excluded. He doesn't belong here.

"Well, I try my best," mom says, pouring a glass of water for Charlie. She sets the glass down in front of him and squeezes his hand. I look away disgusted by such an intimate gesture.

I cough loudly, hoping it will break their gaze but it doesn't work. Seth doesn't notice, or at least he pretends not to.

"Charlie, how's Bella? And the little one?" I say through gritted teeth in a sickly sweet voice.

The question is enough to break his gaze and Charlie stares at me open mouthed. He's visited often enough to know I never ask about Bella or the little demon spawn. Even Seth is staring at me in amazement. He knows I don't like to talk about them. Charlie looks to my mother for reassurance but mom is concentrating on pouring a glass of water for Billy.

"Oh, she's fine, Leah, they're all doing great, just great,"

"Oh, that's lovely to hear, I'm so glad," I reply, a model of politeness. It's a bold faced lie of course, and I have to shovel in a mouthful of lasagne just to stop myself from laughing.

The atmosphere has a dangerous edge to it and Seth suddenly starts talking enthusiastically about school sports which everyone finds riveting. Trust Seth to spoil my fun. Doesn't he ever get sick of being the peacemaker?

It seems as if the rest of dinner is going to be filled with their dull conversation when Charlie drops a bombshell.

"Oh, Sue, the Cullen's wanted to invite us all round to their house on the weekend. They're having a party and wanted us to come,"

"Oh, that's nice of them. Is it this weekend though because I promised to visit my cousin in Seattle, she's going through a divorce right now and needs some support," she sighed.

"Aah, shoot, it is this weekend. Seth and Leah can come though, right Seth?" said Charlie looking at Seth. He knew better than to ask me.

Seth shuffled in his seat uncomfortably and looked towards me as if he needed my permission. I could tell he really wanted to go, the Cullen's were good friends of his now but he still felt guilty saying yes when he knew how much I still despised them.

"Yeah, sure Charlie," he said shyly.

"Great," he said, satisfied.

"What's the grand occasion for this party?" I say with a hint of sarcasm that goes unnoticed.

Charlie's hands fidgeted while he spoke. "Renesmee's birthday,"

How anyone could even mutter that name without collapsing into fits of laughter was beyond my understanding. Apart from the ludicrous name, something else puzzled me. If the calculations worked out right, it had only been six months since she was born. How old was she supposed to be now? What birthday were they celebrating? First, second, third? I decided to ask the obvious.

"Charlie, it's been six months, how old is she?"

"Um, well, Carlisle estimated she was two years old from her rate of growth and they wanted her to have a birthday so they set the date for this weekend."

Charlie was still on a need-to-know basis and was just happy to have a granddaughter. The word 'vampire' was yet to become part of Charlie's vocabulary. The demon spawn had been well trained enough not to take a bite out of dear old vulnerable human gramps. More's the pity. I would have loved to see them explain how the half-breed bloodsucker came into being.

"Oh, Seth, it will be really fun to go, don't you think? I love birthday parties, I hope they have cake," I said smirking. I locked eyes with Seth who didn't seem to able to decipher my sudden good mood. _I'll make sure I have fun all right. I do love wrecking a good party._


	2. Party Wrecker

**A/N: wow, I didn't realise Leah fans were so thin on the ground. I think Leah is a fun character and I like the idea of mixing her with the vampire characters. Now, that's the true meaning of forbidden love! If you stick with the story, I promise you that you'll love Leah as much I do – she's angsty and snarky – what's not to like? oh well. On with the show.**

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The clothes hanger wire hook feels cold pressed against my cheek as I hold the dress close to my body. It's nothing fancy. Just a simple black dress with white polka dots. I pair it with a thin white belt and a string of plastic pearls.

I do a final twirl in the mirror before setting it down to brush out my hair. I've washed it and the tangles have dried. I set to work diligently working out each tangle. The mirror reflects a face set in pure concentration. I'm thinking. What will I do when I get to the Cullen mansion? They will be surprised to see me for sure. I never go there alone, only occasionally to accompany Seth.

I don't ask what he does there but I know he enjoys it. Blissful rays of happiness radiate from him which he always takes care to hide from me. He knows I don't like it but I never voice my disapproval. I also try to hide my anger from him. We keep up the charade of being oblivious to the other person's emotions; it's easier than facing the truth sometimes.

There's a tentative knock at the door.

"Leah?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you coming with me today?" he asks nervously.

I answer his question with a question, working out a hard tangle with my comb. "Do you want me to come?"

"Err, yeah". He hesitates, thinking twice before he speaks again. "You will be good, Leah, won't you?"

I chuckle but Seth doesn't join in. He's being deadly serious. He knows I'm barely able to keep my head above the surface and a visit to Cullen's might pull me into dark waters. He wouldn't be wrong to assume that. If I told you that anger and pain didn't pulse through my veins at every living moment I would be a liar. I feed off the energy of my anger. I could live off it.

I hate that we all seem to be living in the Cullen Universe with us as passing satellites revolving around them endlessly. Actually, it's not a universe. They're a black hole. A swirling black vortex consuming all light and matter they come in contact with.

"I'll be on my best behaviour," my voice rings out as my comb pulls a few hairs from my scalp, finally setting the tangled hair free.

***

It's a warm, sunny day as we walk towards their house. The glass panels reflect the bright light and I have to shield my eyes and squint into the sunlight. I can see the garden where people are gathered. There are pink and white balloons and ribbons tied everywhere, even to the trees at the edge of the forest. Their taste for decadence appals me. The half-breed is going to be one hell of a spoilt brat. I pity Jacob for being tied to that brat like one of Alice's balloons.

"Hey, it's good to see you buddy," says Emmett, bumping fists. He pauses to look at me and is almost fast enough to disguise his surprise. His easy-going manner is enough to smooth it over. "Hey Leah, long time no see," he says sincerely. I like his open manner even if I won't admit it.

I give him a tight smile. "Hey," I say quietly.

"Come meet the rest of the folks, you might recognise a few of 'em," he says, winking at me while he puts his arm around Seth.

It's a small gathering and I recognise the faces. The sickly sweet air tells me they're all vampires. They've been here before when we had the big non-showdown with the Volturi. What a waste of a good fight that was.

Seth goes round to greet everyone but I stand where I am, lingering in the background, looking slightly awkward and not knowing how to hold my hands. He's so much better at this than I am. People skills are not my strong point.

I turn my head and my knees buckle at the sight of Jacob walking with one hand clasped around the half breed's tiny hand in a brotherly gesture. She's gurgling and laughing in a pretty pink dress. Bella is following behind carrying a large cake on a silver tray with Edward in tow. It's all very fitting; she's the girl who got to have her cake and eat it. Edward as her husband, Jacob as her best friend. Their happiness stabs at my heart like knives.

Jacob sees me and waves. The half-breed looks from him to me and waves too. Does she have memories of me? I would doubt it. Her powers creep me out. I always stay far away. I start to back away as they draw nearer.

I step on someone's toes behind me in my haste to get away.

"Watch it," says a disgusted voice. It's Rosalie.

"You watch it," I reply in an equally disgusted voice, aware that it was lame comeback. She rolls her eyes at me.

The Thing bounds towards me and my instincts tell me to run. I watch in horror that she's going to touch me and steal my memories or something. I couldn't bear that Thing touching me. All that happiness and light and childlike curiosity is like Kryptonite to me.

I hold my hands up in a defensive posture, hunching my shoulders and cringing in anticipation. She bounds past me straight into Rosalie's arms who spins her around.

I quickly drop my shoulders and feel silly, hoping no one else saw me do that.

Rosalie walks past me with the Thing in her arms.

"She won't bite you," she says smugly.

"That's what you think," I mutter under my breath.

She releases the half breed and she immediately jumps into the nearby arms of Esme.

Rosalie turns to me. "Oh, don't worry sweetie, she doesn't like the smell of wet dog, and neither do I,"

"Something tells me she'll change her mind about that one," I say, observing Jacob fetch a string of balloons.

The meaning is not lost on her and I know it's a touchy topic between her and the rest of the Cullens. Take that, Leech. It's a cheap blow but I'm satisfied.

She huffs loudly and I feel a presence changing the atmosphere. Jasper's face gives away nothing but a wave of calm is flooding me. I stare daggers at him but the force of his manipulation is making me feel lethargic.

I try to phase in the hopes it will overpower his calming influence but the shivers down my spine are unsuccessful. His eyes are locked on me and his hands by his sides are twitching. I've become the target for the full force of his powers, he knows better than to hold back. I scowl at him, shivering and shuddering in a futile effort to phase.

He finally overcomes me with a powerful surge of drowsiness. I fight to keep my eyes open and blink furiously but the view is dimming before me.

I give up.

In a final act of defiance I slowly raise a hand up in front of my face and bend all the fingers. Except one. Take that, Leech. I drop to the floor.

***

"Wake up, sleepy head," says Seth, sounding relieved.

The sky is a pretty shade of blue and I can feel the grass underneath me. I feel like I've been sleeping deeply for a long time. I try to sit up slowly but my head feels heavy. I'd much rather lie back down in the grass.

"Where is he?" my speech is slightly slurred.

"Who?" asks Seth.

"That godforsaken leech, Jasper. How dare he use his powers like that?" my voice shakes with the little anger I can muster up.

"Jasper's really sorry about that. He was really worried about what would happen if you phased in your current emotional state. Alice warned him things could turn nasty if he didn't try to stop it," replies Edward, who I see next to Seth. He must have been with Seth, waiting for me wake up. I know they're close and Seth would have been really worried about me.

I huff loudly. "Your brother is sorry? So sorry that he can't even tell me so himself and has to send his brother to do the dirty work? Well, gee, that's so touching," I say scathingly. "And I wasn't going to hurt anybody anyway; I just wanted him to stop,"

Edward sighs, surveying me as I smooth out my dress over my legs. Curiously, he looks amused which only serves to wind me up even further. I've seen him look at Bella like that. A condescending look that refuses to take a woman seriously.

"Is this some sort of joke to you? I don't appreciate being mind-controlled. Typical pale face arrogance to dominate over others," I spit the words in his face, staring him down.

Seth tries to put his arm around me but I shake it off. Edward's eyes melt with sympathy.

_Don't do that, you bastard. Don't you dare feel sorry for me. I don't need it and I don't want it. _

Edward takes the time to choose his words carefully. He knows he's on thin ice.

"Leah, I'm not laughing at you. Jasper wanted to apologise himself but I prevented him because I thought it was too soon. So it's my fault he hasn't said sorry himself. I stupidly involved myself when I shouldn't have," he shakes his head sadly.

"Jasper could feel your presence as soon as you walked up the garden. He called you 'the walking thunderstorm'. He smiles at his own words.

"Yup, I suppose that does sound like me. But next time you have a problem, talk to me. I know how to listen…when I'm not being stubborn," I concede.

We exchange grins and Seth looks pleased. This is the first time I've actually managed a proper conversation with Edward. He thinks it could be the beginning of a friendship. I'm not so optimistic.

A small voice cries out "Lay-uh," I look around and the Thing has her eyes locked firmly on me. She rushes from Jacob's grip and bounds towards me. I do the only thing I'm good at. The only thing that makes sense to me at times like this. I run.

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**this was a fun chapter to write. Liked it or loathed it?  
Jasper wants you to write a review. You can't resist his powers!**


	3. Field of Streams

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight Saga.**

**A/N: I want to start off by saying thank you to everyone who reviewed my last chapter. It was very insightful and I'm sending cupcakes made of love to all of you!**

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_I could be watching True Blood right now_, I sighed to myself. _why did I offer to accompany Seth to this borefest?_

I sat watching the proceedings glumly. We were in the open expanse of a field that the Cullens used whenever there was a storm. Seth had been looking forward to this day ever since he found out. Watching vampires play baseball was not an event to look forward to in my book. It was an event to actively avoid at all costs. And yet here I was watching them strut to their posts in their dorky little uniforms like they were God's gift to baseball.

I was hiding in the shade of the nearby trees. It had been hot all day but by late afternoon the grey clouds had gathered for an impending storm. The air was hot and sticky, the charges air particles swirling around us waiting for the lightning to strike.

"Wow," Seth cooed as he watched them. He was so easily impressed by these dorkwads. Jasper was twirling his bat in his hand effortlessly while Rosalie dropped hers clumsily, picking it up lightning-quick, hoping no sharp eyes had caught her out. I snorted with laughter.

It wasn't just me and Seth who were here. The Elders of the Quilete tribe had been invited. It was to mark the occasion of the Cullens being allowed to walk on our La Push reservation without recrimination. The Big Fight That Never Was had bonded them to our tribe forever, much to my chagrin.

I always respected our Elders; they were wise and knowing but this decision had pushed me to my limits. I hated the idea of the 'Cold Ones' being able to walk on the sacred land of our ancestors freely. I didn't want their stink left all over our land.

They were our natural born enemies who we had evolved to resist. We can't turn back the clock. I can't walk backwards through time to recover my human self. That person's gone. The black hole has claimed her forever. I'm a werewolf forever now. A _menopausal_ werewolf no less. Well, technically, I was a shapeshifter but I refused to call myself that. It was a term _they_ came up with.

Stupid leeches.

They needed to know their place, and their place was not with us. I was alone in this thought as usual. Seth was bouncing around the room in joy when he found out. He wanted Edward to come over and play videogames with him.

"He won't want to play videogames with you Seth, he has responsibilities now." _Like playing daddy to the demon spawn and tending to his leech wife,_ I thought wickedly.

"He will. He said he would. Emmett would come too. He said they would like a boys' night in." Seth insisted.

In truth, the invitation was more a gesture of peace rather than something the Cullens would take seriously. It's not like they'd suddenly start buying their groceries from the La Push supermarket.

Most of the younger tribe were here. Sam, Embry, Quil and the younger ones had made it. They regarded it as a fun day out and hoped they could play against the Cullens, possibly even win. But first the Cullens would play a game against each other as a kind of demonstration of their abilities.

Lightning flashed overhead and thunder rolled across the sky. A light pitter-pattering of rain broke out.

Crack! Went the bat as the ball arched high into the sky. Jasper went for a home run while Edward, out in field, became a blur chasing the ball. Somehow he had caught it one handed and had already sent it whizzing back to Alice.

I could tell from the way he played that Edward had an athletic body. It was muscular but lean and his running had a natural grace to it that the others didn't possess. Emmett looked like a meathead jock while Jasper was plain creepy but Edward…he was different. Not that I could give a shit. Seeing Bella make goo-goo eyes at him all the time always kick-started my gag reflex. It was a habit I picked up from Jacob while living his memories as part of the pack.

Bella was sitting out the baseball game, instead choosing to watch on the sidelines with the half breed on her lap. Jacob was with her. What a lap dog he was to them. I detested his subservience. He would do anything for them, as long as he was allowed to remain around the Thing that he was genetically chained to – sorry, fell in love with. Yuck.

I looked away disgusted, resting my chin on my knees, turning my attention to the surrounding mountains. Someone whistled to call together the tribe and Seth looked up attentively.

"I'm gonna go play. Do you want to play too, sis? You might even be able to catch out Rosalie," he said, smiling mischievously. He knew I'd be tempted as hell to wipe that smug, snooty, 'better-than-you' face off Rosalie.

"Nah, you can though'. Go get 'em, champ," I said, breaking out into a half-smile.

The tribe were good players even though they were in human form. They were strong, fast and their healing meant they could cope with the collisions and pile-ups as they tried to outrun the ball. I liked seeing Seth have fun. It made me happy. The presence of Sam didn't even bother me but I kept my gaze away from him as a precaution.

"Hey, why are you hiding here on your lonesome?" said Jacob, walking towards me. "Typical Leah, always resisting the chance to have fun."

"God, you scared me, I didn't even notice you approaching me," I said.

"Maybe you were too engrossed in the game," he said, sitting down.

I stretched out my legs. "Unlikely." I snorted in derision. "It's much more fun to imagine the game in my head."

All the players had stopped for a quick break and were mingling and talking in small groups. It wasn't raining anymore but the threatening clouds had yet to scatter.

"So what's happening right now?" he asked quizzically.

"Hmmmm…" I pondered, tilting my head sideways and narrowing my eyes against the prevailing wind, to survey the scene.

"Rosalie's chatting with Esme about the latest issue of the GOOP newsletter that she received in her gmail today. Gwyneth Paltrow is like, totally, her role model," I said in a mocking Valley girl voice. "Although Gwyneth wouldn't approve of animal blood unless the animals had been fed on organically grown grass, naturally."

Jacob let out a loud guffaw. I couldn't help grinning a little myself. His smile was infectious.

"What about Jasper?" he said, spurring me on.

"Well, he's wondering where his confederacy flag is. He wants to persuade Alice to wear it to bed," I said. Jacob erupted into a fit of laughter.

"A-a-and Emmett?" he stammered, clutching his sides. "What's he doing?"

"Oh, Emmett's asking Edward if he knows where to get a ball-gag. It's nothing kinky, he just wants to shut Rosalie up while he watches the big game on the living room plasma."

"Stop, stop. you're slaying me, Leah," he gasped, raising his hands up in a 'stop' gesture, still laughing.

I hadn't realised but I was laughing heartily along with him. This was our first proper conversation in months. It felt like he had never left us. That he had never left me…

We slowly recovered our breath and let a comfortable silence play out between us. Jacob's eyes drifted to Renesmee. She was bouncing on Bella's lap. I resented the fact that our peaceful moment together was being interrupted by the mutant. Can't he stop thinking about her for one Goddamn moment?

I looked at him while he was staring in her direction. "Ever thought of ditching those losers?"

I finally caught his attention with that one. His head snapped around to meet my eyes. "Leah, I can't leave. You know why," he said remorsefully.

"I know. I know all too well," I replied. It didn't' stop me from hoping he would change his mind though. "Boy, that Bella really did a number on you," I said bitterly. "I thought when she got married you would snap out it and move on and you almost did. Until she gave birth and reeled you back in with that child of hers."

"Leave her out of it. I imprinted on Nessie. I'll always be there for her. You know better than anyone the power of imprinting," he said coolly. His implication was clear. I would know because the love of my life ditched me when he imprinted on my cousin, Emily.

"Who says you have to imprint? It doesn't have to be that way," I shot back, stinging from his remark. We weren't talking about Jacob anymore. "You can fight it, resist it. It's your life for Christ's sake. I said, quiet hysteria quavering in my voice. "You can choose who to love."

Jacob looked at me in pity. A single tear rolled down my cheek which I wiped away quickly with the back of my hand. I hated being seen in such a vulnerable state.

"We were going to travel and see the world together, you and me. We were going to be companions for each other, remember? We could still do it, just us two. It might do you some good to get away from here," I said, hoping my offer could tempt him. "You don't want to hang around here for babysitting duties. Come away with me. It will only be for a short while and she'll be grown up by the time you return. Please Jacob, please," I pleaded with him.

I knew I would feel ashamed later on when I thought of how I was begging him but I didn't care. He knew me; the vulnerable side, the angry side, the prideful side. He knew me and accepted me as I was. I was as broken as he was…before he imprinted.

I could see his resolve wavering slightly. I allowed him time to think. My eyes drifted to Bella. She was with Edward. They were talking with blank expressions on their faces. Edward was uttering words through tight lips and Bella was giving him a reproachful look. _Trouble in paradise I see_, I smirked to myself. Edward was walking away from her. What a sick little relationship they must have. _Is this what you want, Jacob?_

Jacob had made up his mind. "I know Nessie is young but I want to be there with her. I want to see her laugh and cry and be there when she's upset. She needs me now; I'm part of her life,"

I felt like throwing up. How stupid I was for thinking he could give her up for one measly second. I watched everyone except Edward take up their baseball positions. My hope turned to bitterness.

"God, she must be really special, that brat, to have such a tight hold over you. But it's like mother, like daughter, I guess," I replied venomously, my blood boiling in anger.

Jacob glared at me. "Don't you ever…" he threatened, but it was too late, I was on a roll now.

"That half-breed demon spawn that makes Suri Cruise look normal by comparison. You want to stay with the mutant and the leeches then that's fine by me," I snarled. A clap of thunder sounded above us. The lightning illuminated the hatred on my face.

He looked stunned by my words. It was an expression that said _'Who are you?' _I had never referred to Renesmee by all the derogatory names I had used in front of him.

Is it possible to lose all your humanity in one fleeting moment? Because I think I just did. I was taking all my anger out on an innocent child who never asked to be imprinted on. I felt ashamed of myself.

Jacob didn't look like he was in a forgiving mood though. "Get a grip, Leah. You wonder why I wouldn't travel with you? Why would I stick with a bitter, twisted, fucked up girl like you? He said, glowering at me. "Have you any idea what it's like being with you?"

We were both on our feet with our fists balled up. The game was still going on. The clouds rumbled ominously and there was another deafening roar of thunder.

"I thought you had moved on. _We_ all have but you're still stuck in the same place, playing your hurt over and over like a broken record and after a while that gets pretty damn tired." He said. "Not everything is black and white. We aren't enemies with the Cullens anymore. Even the Elders accept this but you refuse. It's pathetic. You need to grow up."

I took a step closer to him. "You're telling _me_ to grow up? Why don't you tell this precious piece of advice to your child bride and leave me the fuck alone. I'm done with you," I hissed, anger heating up my cheeks.

"Good!" He sneered.

I turned around, looking towards the forest, ready to escape.

"That's it, Leah, run away. Run away from the truth when you can't take the heat. That's all you ever do," he shouted as my long strides broke out in a run.

Everything was a blur as I weaved amongst the trees. My blood felt like it was boiling and bubbling under the surface of my skin; a raging fire ripping through my body like it was dry kindling. I stumbled and tripped over fallen branches and mossy covered rocks in my hasty bid to get away.

The tall wet ferns shook droplets of water onto my skin as I ran past them.

Water.

That's what I needed to extinguish the fire inside. I followed my keen sense of smell and finally found a stream weaving a wide path between the trees. My legs were burning and I leaned against a hemlock tree for support.

I knelt over the water's edge and cupped my hands into the stream, drawing up a handful of water to my mouth. I greedily gulped it down. It tasted pure so I scooped a few more handfuls but it just wasn't enough.

It was quiet and secluded here. Without a second thought I lifted up my dress, removed my underwear, kicked off my shoes and waded into the stream. It was a lot deeper than I had imagined and the water was cool on my body, relaxing all my muscles. I let out a sigh and tipped my head back into the water, closing my eyes as my hair drifted around me.

A twig snapped and my eyes shot open. Someone was close. It was dark but I could see a figure standing there, still as a statue, watching me with curious eyes. It was Edward.

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omg, what a cliffhanger! I'm gonna try to update a bit quicker for you guys.  
Please review if you wish – I reply to all.


	4. Watching You

**A/N: ugh, why does real life have to interfere with my fanfic writing? This week, I bought a car, have been learning how to drive said car and also watched 'Little Ashes' which tore my heart up and got me obsessively reading about dali and lorca. (Great film too).  
Plus, I re-wrote this entire chapter because I was unhappy with it which is not easy to do! It's a short chapter. Hope you like it.**

* * *

He casts his eyes down quickly. "I-I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…I shouldn't have…I can leave if you want me to…" he remains in the shadows, his body half turned away from me.

"Why so soon? Have you already seen everything you wanted to?" I reply, sinking into the water up to my chin.

"I swear I didn't –"

"I could have sworn you just did –"

"Just hear me out, Leah, please," he pleads with anxious eyes. "I can explain,"

I roll my eyes. "This better be one hell of an explanation, leech."

The dark clouds are still stirring in the grey sky. He takes one hesitant step towards me like he's approaching a live grenade.

"I heard Jacob. It was his thoughts that were shouting in my head. It was deafening and I simply couldn't ignore it. Most of it was unintelligible but I caught your name." he pauses for a moment to gauge my reaction.

Well, that figures. I know Jacob well enough to know that when he's pissed off he will _not_ shut up about it.

"And so then you decided to follow me and watch me from behind the trees?" I ask coolly, waiting for his reply.

He clears his throat before speaking. "I did follow you, yes. But had I known you would be…" he stares down at his feet guiltily, "unclothed I wouldn't have intruded in such a way. I am really sorry about that."

I contemplate his apology as the cool water bubbles and rushes over my body. He's so buttoned up for a leech – I doubt he's had any action apart from Bella – in his century of living so I can't blame him for being curious. "You sound sincere enough so I'm prepared to forgive you. Now can I trust you to hand me my clothes?"

"Oh, yes, of course." he looks around for the heap of clothes I left by the hemlock tree. He scoops up the dress in one hand but hesitates to pick up the scattered underwear. He glances wearily at me before picking up my bra and panties with his forefinger and thumb, holding them at arm's length.

"It's underwear, Edward. Not a weapon of mass destruction," I laugh, as he puts the clothes down on the grassy bank before backing away.

"I better leave you to your privacy." He smiles, turning away.

I get out of the stream and hurriedly put on my clothes as water drips down my body.

"Wait." I button up the front of my dress. I'm just sulky girl who walks under a permanent grey cloud. I'm here to escape from everyone else. Maybe he is too. Otherwise why would he be here of all places?

"You still haven't told me about Jacob. What did he do after I left?" I step into my shoes.

Edward pauses where he stands. "He didn't hang around for long." He shrugs. "He's probably cooling down in another stream as we speak."

I can't help but laugh. Who'd have thought Edward had a sense of humour? Perhaps there really is a personality hidden behind his chiselled features. "Shouldn't you be with your future son-in-law, then? I'm not really a concern of yours. "

"True, but I know who I'd rather stumble upon bathing in the nude." He smirks. "Why did you fall out with him in the first place?"

I wring out my hair that's dripping down my back. "Ugh, where do I start? We said mean stuff to each other but I think this was the last straw. He doesn't want to speak to me." I say, carefully editing out what exactly was said. I don't think the 'mutant' talk would go down too well in his company.

"He doesn't mean it and you don't mean it either. Human beings fall out and then they make up, that's life," he says, "It will all blow over."

"But that's just it. I don't think it will blow over. He has different priorities now. I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere," I say, mournfully. The impact of Jacob's words dawn upon me. _I really haven't moved on at all_. "I'm a 'fucked up girl'," I say, quoting Jacob's words, as I smooth my hair back.

"No, you're not." he reassures me. "If you want to hear something messed up, then I can beat that."

"Oh, really?" I reply, arching a quizzical brow. "Let's hear it."

"When Nessie was born and Jacob imprinted, Bella was furious and I was the calm one. Eventually she came around to the idea and accepted it and now I'm the one who's…" he says, shaking his head as if he can't find the right words. "But now it's just…I can see Nessie growing up so quickly and she's so close with Jacob and I –"

"You wonder when he is going to see someone who is physically attractive and not just a little girl anymore - Your little girl, to be precise." I finish off his sentence.

"Exactly." He agrees.

Ouch. The tricky navigation of imprinting on a newborn. There are no easy answers and I sympathise with Edward's concern. His little girl will turn into a woman and where will Jacob fit into this picture during this time? Will he attend her junior prom?

Will she ever get the chance to date anyone else? I almost feel sorry for her to have her love life so clearly mapped out for her.

"She needs a life outside of Jacob's clutches," I say

"She's the most precious being I have in my life aside from my wife. The love and protectiveness I feel for them could fill entire –"

"- I get it, I get it," I blurt out irritably.

He looks at me and chuckles.

I let out a loud sigh. "I don't know the answer. But I know that Jacob wouldn't hurt Nessie or impose himself on her. He's got all the time in the world to wait," I say gently.

"But isn't it unhealthy to be so…close?"

"Could you stay away from Bella even when you knew it would be better for her if you to kept away?" I say pointedly. "And did you hurt her or act recklessly?"

"Yes-No- I don't know," he says in confusion.

"Jacob won't hurt Nessie. He loves her too much." my words sound strangled, like they're caught in my throat. I don't do Hallmark card sentimentality but I have to speak the truth. That big dumb jerk owes me big time for this.

Edward holds his head in his hands, turning my words over in his head. He knows I'm right. He's just taking his time in accepting it.

The storm has finally passed and the sun is shining through the thick canopy of leaves. A shaft of sunlight slants across Edward's handsome features. His marble skin reflects the light into a million different directions and the colour of his eyes liquefy into pools of honey. It doesn't occur to me that I'm staring. I've never seen a bloodsucker actually _sparkle_ before. It's kind of a head trip. Am I being dazzled?

"That isn't what's messed up though," he whispers.

I look at him in surprise. "There's more?"

He chuckles darkly, his face is bleak. "I have to go back," he says, "are you okay now?"

"You'll be at the La Push bonfire tomorrow night, right?" I ask, hopefully. The urge to see him again is making my heart thump erratically.

"Yeah, I'll be there," he says with a crooked grin before turning away and disappearing into the forest.

My heart thumps again. I may have lost Jacob as a friend but I think I'm about to gain so much more.

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Meet you at the La Push bonfire, don't be late!  
review if you wish. Thanks for all the awesome reviews. You guys rock.


	5. Bonfire Beach Blues

**A/N: I've updated pretty quick this time. This is one of my fave chapters. It's the catalyst that sets everything in motion.  
Hope you enjoy it! **

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The sky is dark blue with pink streaks marking the setting sun behind the sea. The wind is brisk and blows the salty air into my hair and face. All the tribe are here, mulling around, chatting around the bonfire. It's part two of the celebrations and the Quileutes are hosting a barbeque party at La Push beach. The atmosphere is warm and lively despite the night chill.

Jacob is here but we are studiously ignoring each other. I don't want to give or hear any apologies. I'm more interested in the other party attendees.

I watch the Cullens arrive in a low key manner. They come in Edward's Volvo, Emmett's monstrous Jeep and a sleek black Audi. I guess that's their version of low key.

I pick at my burger, not feeling that hungry. I have a nervous energy buzzing inside me. I have on my bottle green parka coat with fur lined hood to protect against the wind rather than keep me warm. I'm wearing a short, red, check shirt dress underneath and Doc Marten boots which I had paired together at the last minute.

I never agonised over my clothes. If it fit me and was clean and comfortable, then I wore it. I preferred dresses though. It's easier to carry around when I phase. I'm nothing if not practical.

A small group of children, including Nessie, were enraptured by Billy Black re-telling the story of the Big-Ass Non-Showdown with the Volturi. His story-telling skills must be pretty stellar to make that shit sound interesting.

I can see the demon spawn getting all excited and touching the other kids to show her version of the story but the other kids keep batting her hand away. I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who gets creeped out by her.

I weave amongst the small circles of people chatting. Some I say 'hi' to, some I avoid – Jacob Black, you do not exist anymore – but I don't have the nerve to approach Edward. He is with Bella, looking sullen while she looks bored, pretending to listen to Rosalie. This public display of disaffection is a big flashing neon sign that says 'our marriage is in trouble'.

It doesn't look like he's noticed me at all but someone else has and this person is forging a path towards me. I groan inwardly.

"You owe me an apology," I say, crossing my arms defensively. "I haven't forgotten the birthday party,"

"Leah, I wanted to say how terribly sorry I am about that –"

"So sorry you had to wait till now to apologise? Wow, I'm so touched."

"I'm sorry I didn't apologise earlier. I wanted to after the baseball game but you had gone,"

"Well, that was convenient." I say, realising I'm making no sense whatsoever.

Jasper sighs in defeat as he feels the hostility flooding from me like a burst dam. He doesn't get off that easily. I want to make him work for it.

"So you're blaming me for your inability to apologise?" I ask, raising my eyebrows, "nice move, jackass,"

"If you would just allow me the chance to apologise, Leah, I want to say I'm truly sorry for what I did. I didn't mean to use my powers so forcefully and I realise what a mistake that was. I'm sorry I didn't apologise yesterday at the baseball game. Please forgive me if you can," he pleads earnestly.

I spot Edward over Jasper's shoulder and I'm momentarily distracted. Bella and Rosalie have left him standing alone. Our eyes meet and I can feel a spark between us. It's an unspoken connection that began in the woods yesterday. I have to talk to him right now.

"No worries, Jasper. Just don't zap me with your powers again or I'll rip your balls off and cast them into that bonfire, you hear?" I say, by way of forgiveness.

"Erm…yeah. Thanks." he mumbles, scratching the back of his head in confusion as he walks away.

Edward and I make our way to each other. I nod in the direction of the large piece of driftwood I was sitting on before. It's out of the way of everyone else but not too far to be suspicious. He follows me and we sit facing the sea, watching the waves crest and fall in an endless cycle.

"Hey," I say, giving him a sideways glance. He doesn't return my look, preferring to stare at the sea.

"Hey," he says quietly. He looks world weary. He reminds me of Atlas from Greek mythology, holding up the heavens on his shoulders on one bended knee. He's enduring it so far. Edward and stoic endurance go together like peas and carrots. I suspect that he enjoys having so many crosses to bear.

"Speak," I command him.

There's no reply.

"You've got all the time in the world, and I don't mind waiting," I say calmly.

He slowly turns his face toward me. "I have all the time in the world," he says wistfully. He sighs deeply and his cool breath stirs my hair. "Is that a gift or a curse?"

"Both." I answer, thinking of my own life. I'm going to die at some point if I stop phasing which is my plan for the distant future. At some point an immortal life is going to get boring as fuck – who'd want that? I'm lucky I get to opt out but Edward doesn't have a choice – he never did.

"I read an interview with Dennis Potter, a British playwright, who was dying of cancer and he said that the plum tree in his garden was blooming more beautifully than he had ever seen it. It was only when he was dying that he appreciated what he saw." He explains mournfully.

A high wave peaks, spraying sea foam as it crashes upon the beach shore. The now-ness of the moment is all that matters when you're alive, but Edward is dead. He has been dead for 109 years and he will continue to be dead until the end of time. No wonder he looks so depressed.

"Eternity can't be that bad though. I mean…you're eternally beautiful for a start," I say with a sheepish grin.

"Yes, but what's the difference between a silk flower and a fresh flower in bloom? That fresh flower will die and that's what makes it beautiful. You enjoy its beauty in that brief moment of time." he says.

"_Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed_." I quote a line I heard somewhere. "But at least you're sharing eternity with someone you love,"

Edward has had a dramatic relationship with Bella. It was always fraught with danger and now he has her for all eternity.

What does eternity feel like?

No danger, no risk, no excitement.

What was once sharp is now dull and blunt.

"I don't deserve her. I don't deserve happiness. I'm waiting for it all to crash down around me. I almost want it to." he confesses, casting his eyes down in shame. He runs his hands through his wild, bronze hair.

I know this is the exact moment where I've gone completely batshit crazy because I'm finding the whole hair thing a turn on. I'm in the middle of a profoundly deep – or is it deeply profound - conversation and I can't wait to see him flip his hair again. Why am I turning into a high school girl with a crush? It astounds me how much I sicken myself. Now, hurry up and please do that again, Edward.

"What are you thinking?" he asks, looking up at me.

"I'm thinking you have a death wish," I say, with a smile.

Edward's mournful expression softens and the corner of his mouth turns up into a delightful half grin. He chuckles quietly before responding. "A death wish?" he ponders. "So that means I wish to die? I've already done that once and it was highly overrated."

"Think about it, Edward. Destruction is a form of creation. You died and transformed into a vampire. And now you want to destroy yourself and everything around you just so you can learn to feel again and remember why it is that you're alive."

He looks puzzled, as if he's joining up the dots but still can't see the full picture. I decide to spell it out for him.

"I can help you to see everything hundred times more beautiful than you've ever seen it before. I can help you to appreciate everything as if you were breathing your last breath." I say.

"How?" the desperate look in his eyes reminds me of someone drowning.

"You have to trust me," I instruct him.

I reach out to touch his hand that's beside his lap on the driftwood.

It's ice-cold but I don't flinch or recoil in fear. It feels refreshing and cool against my warm skin. He looks startled and casts a frantic look to the rest of the party but nobody is watching.

I'm putting myself on the line here and there's the distinct possibility that he could walk straight into the arms of Bella and never speak to me again. I don't deal with rejection too well – Sam, can attest to that - but I want to risk it all.

It pissed me off that Bella took Jacob away from me with her demon spawn but this is my chance to have a slice of happiness, and when it comes in such a pretty package…well, I'd be a fool to resist.

It's the perfect bargain; he gets some excitement and danger in his life, something to make him feel alive again, and in return I get some revenge and long missed affection.

Edward draws his hand away sharply, staring blankly into the sea. I've made an idiot of myself for sure. _Way to go, Leah_.

I wait for him to say something but he's just sitting there, quiet as a mouse. I'm worried that I've offended him and as he begins to stand up, I suspect that I'm right. I don't want him to walk away without even saying one word. Call me a whore or a tramp but don't just leave me with a silent condemnation.

"What are you thinking?" I blurt out, sounding quite hysterical in my effort to end the crashing silence.

"I'm thinking…that if I'm going to hell, I may as well do it thoroughly," he says with a crooked smile. With that he strides purposefully back to the party. I gawp after him, an idiotic smile plastered all over my face.

Bella 0

Leah 1

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Edward has chosen his path and Leah is going to lead the way.  
How will they fare in their next encounter? Naughty shenanigans are ahead...

Please review if you wish. Cupcakes to all who have reviewed so far.

fun fact: the _'doomed'_ quote comes from the film Troy.


	6. Taste of the Unnatural

**A/N: thanks for the responses to the last chapter. I noticed in the reviews that my chapter has caused a bit of confusion which I want to clear up. It's about the line where Edward says 'what are you thinking?' to Leah.**

**It was a badly worded line – it's the kind of general thing you'd say to stimulate a conversation but obviously when it's coming from a person who can mind read it takes on a whole new meaning. For the record, Edward can read Leah's mind and I wanted him to interact with her in a normal way and not automatically respond to her every thought. I'm sorry if it got people confused, it was an oversight on my part.**

**But let's move on. The M rating kicks into gear on this chapter as naughtiness abounds. You have been warned! And there's plenty of mind reading too!**

* * *

"Hey, Seth, you're just in time, buddy!" Emmett shouts as the guys divide into two teams.

He leaves my side to join his team where they are huddled around in circle discussing tactics with serious faces. Boys can be such…boys when it comes to competitive sports. I'm at the Cullens home grounds, watching the game. Actually, I'm more interested in one person than the game. That one person who caused me to be late because I was fussing over my clothes in an effort to impress him. Seth was so pissed at me for making him late. He wasn't used to waiting on a girl choosing her outfit. He didn't think I was that type of girl.

I wasn't used to being _that_ type of girl either. I'm a grab-clean-clothes-and-go girl but it's all changed now that I've set my sights on him.

Edward.

Just thinking his name makes a grin like a loon which isn't the best response when the old lady in the grocery store checkout line is telling you her beloved cat died yesterday, and God rest his soul for being run over.

I had finally decided on a pretty yellow sundress. It was cute but not too try hard. All I had to do now was catch his attention. He had barely glanced at me when we had arrived. The game was getting underway and I had no choice to but to sit through the whole thing and wait for my moment.

***

"Want more cheesecake, honey?" asks Esme kindly, holding a slice in mid air.

"Oh, please," I say, hoping she'll leave me alone after this third slice.

Two hours. The game had lasted two whole hours and they were still going at it. The score was even and neither side was prepared to draw. I had to stifle my boredom by eating my own body weight in lemon cheesecake. Will it never end? Would I have to score the winning point myself just to end this tedious game or wait to die of old age? I clumsily drop my dessert fork in frustration and bend down to pick it up.

Cheers suddenly erupt. "Way to go, Seth. In your face, vamps!" Paul yells, dancing and hopping on the spot while Emmett shakes his head in disbelief.

Everyone seems relieved the game is over - me included - as the teams mingle with everyone who has been watching at the sides. Edward is walking over to Bella but I can see from here that they aren't talking with each other, instead fussing over the demon spawn Nessie. The sight of it is enough to make me heave up all the cheesecake.

I want to drag him away from her, from it, but I know I can't. Bella slings Nessie on her hip and walks to Rosalie who is hovering nearby like some unwanted odour. I notice that Edward and Bella didn't acknowledge each other at all. He stands still for a moment then heads towards the cottage which is just out of sight.

_It's now or never, _I think to myself as I begin to weave my way towards the cottage. If I can make it past the corner of tall fir trees, I'll be home dry. I throw a cautious look behind me; Seth is laughing with Paul and Embry; Bella is talking to Rosalie; Jasper's holding his arms tenderly around Alice. No one even remembers I'm here. It's a just typical day for me then.

I approach the cottage which looks like something straight out of a syrupy fairytale book. _Now _this_ makes me wanna puke, _I realise with disgust. I run my hands through my hair before knocking on the large solid oak door. No one is answering. I gently push the door and it opens. I step inside and look around. I see him stood in the corner of the room, staring at me.

I gasp in surprise. "Hi Edward…are you okay?"

He stands still like a statue with a blank expression carved onto his features. "Nice dress," he says, with an appraising eye.

He walks to the door, brushing past me to close it. The door clicks shut with a finality, sealing my fate. This is definitely going to happen, no turning back. So why am I so nervous? Is the reality of it dawning on me now? I wanted this to happen in the first place.

I take a deep breath and reach for Edward's hand. "Where's the bedroom?"

"This way," he says, pulling me gently towards a smaller room by the stairs.

The room is cornflower blue with bleached wood panelling around the walls. The bed is large and covered with an abundance of cushions. "It's nice, quite homely." I say, sitting on the bed.

Edward sits beside me with a pained expression. I can see the hesitation in his eyes. I'm comforted by the fact that I'm not the only one who's having second thoughts but I think that's the problem. _Too much thinking, not enough making out_. This situation needs to be remedied.

I lift his chin up and turn his face towards me. "Speak to me, Edward. I'm kinda freaking out here," I whisper.

He bites his lip, afraid to let the words out. I should not be turned on by such a vulnerable expression but god, it's breaking my heart and turning me on at the same time. _Jeez, I'm such a freak. _

He holds my hand to the side of his face, feeling the warmth spreading to his skin. "The warmth flows through you. It's so…human. I miss that," he says in sad tone.

I wonder if he can feel my hand trembling beneath his. I hear someone playing guitar in the distance. I pull Edward to his feet. "Dance with me."

He puts his arms around my waist and we slow dance on the spot. "Who is that playing?" I ask, resting my head on his shoulder.

"Jasper. He's cant resist getting his guitar out and showing off," he chuckles softly.

"He's good. Playing music is a talent…but I can think of better things to do," my voice trails off as I reach up for a kiss.

I've never kissed a vampire before but I've been dreaming of this moment. What does a vampire's lips taste like? More importantly, what does Edward's lips taste like? I lunge forward awkwardly and our mouths press together a bit too forcefully. He catches me in his arms. I pull my face away slightly and let our lips graze against each other.

He feels cold but not in a repulsive way. The sensation is like pressing my lips against cold glass. I feel like I've kissed a statue to life. It's deeply odd but I'm odd too so that's okay. The music has stopped playing but I haven't noticed. The urgency of the moment has gripped me. I don't want to stop. I want more.

"I can't do this," he protests between kisses. "I can't do this," he pleads as his shirt falls to the floor, "I can't." His resolve has already melted away as he hugs me closer to him.

"But you will," I whisper into his ear. He doesn't seem to hear. His hands are running up my spine and gripping my hair tightly.

I can feel the thick, heavy, brown belt that Edward is wearing at the waist of his jeans. I start to unbuckle it quickly as he holds me in his grip kissing me frantically. I pull down his zipper while he reaches underneath my dress, tugging the waistband of my underwear downwards.

Every movement and kiss is made with a pressing urgency. The thought that the others might find us at any moment leaves us with no room for politeness or manners.

He grips me tighter still to his body, our hips pressing together. He slips off my dress, careful not to rip any buttons or seams. He doesn't want to leave any incriminating evidence after we pick up our clothes. _This will be our little secret_. The corners of my mouth twitch as I fight back a smile.

I break the kiss which leaves us panting and gasping for air. I'm greedy for more as I direct Edward's hands to the bra straps on my back. I look into his eyes and breathlessly say one word before launching into another kiss.

"Undo".

My bra is tossed aside and I find myself naked before Edward who still has his unzipped jeans clinging to his waist. I reach for the scruff of his neck, holding a fistful of his hair, pulling his face downwards towards my breasts.

He seems taken aback by my boldness and the frantic atmosphere pauses for a moment. His curious, almost fearful look, like a kid with his hand caught in the cookie jar, makes me want to laugh. _It's okay, Edward, _I tell him.

I relax my hand and stroke his neck gently. He holds me close and tenderly nuzzles my collarbone with the tip of his nose. The coolness of his body is a pleasing contrast to my accelerated body heat. I lean my head back and let out a relaxed sigh. _It's been so long, too long since I've felt like this._ I almost want to cry but think better of it. I don't want to be the weirdo who cries during sex.

A sudden coolness surrounds my left breast as Edward's tongue sweeps the area around my nipple. I grip his hair tightly in my fist and bite down hard on my lip to stifle a loud cry of 'Oh my fucking God'. He must be able to hear me screaming in my head anyway. He applies the same motion to my right breast, licking and sucking and tasting me.

After one final lick he lifts his head and smiles a crooked half grin which I can't help returning with a lopsided grin of my own. My breasts have a fullness and firmness to them as I run my hands over them, still feeling the affects of Edward's lingering touch.

I do it unthinkingly and look up to see Edward staring intently at me touching myself. A darkness clouds over his eyes and an atmosphere like charged particles in a thunderstorm crackles in the air between us. I can hear distant voices outside calling out to each other. We remember that we're acting on borrowed time right now.

He cups my head in his hands and the frantic kissing begins again. He walks me backwards to the bed which we topple onto, my head hitting the downy oversized pillow. I yank with frustration at his jeans which are finally coming off.

I kiss along his jaw line and cheek while he puts two hands on either side of my head.

I'm too caught in the moment to feel embarrassed at the sheen of sweat covering my body. Frankly, I wouldn't care if I took the time to notice anyway. I'm not ashamed of my body. Being constantly naked with a bunch of werewolf guys who have seen my naked form but gallantly pretended not to notice, helped me get over my awkward blushes a long time ago.

As Edward props onto his elbows I don't know whether to brace myself for what's coming next. All I can see in my vision is Edward's face above me, his cool breath fanning my face.

I don't have time to prepare as he pushes his hips down towards me. I gasp as an unnatural coldness meets at the parting of my thighs. My muscles tighten, my body tenses and I grasp his shoulders as a wave of panic overwhelms me.

Edward looks at me surprised. He wasn't expecting this reaction at all. He stares at my brow unseeingly; his eyes flicker from left to right as if speed reading the pages of a book. He's scanning my brain, trying to read my panic. I close my eyes, chanting in my head _relax, relax, relax…_

I'm grateful he can hear my thoughts as he plants delicate kisses along my brow and nuzzles at my collarbone with the tip of his nose, willing me to calm down. My body begins to uncoil itself from the shock and my limbs slowly loosen.

My warmth is enveloping him entirely, his body is melting into me. I should have known it wouldn't be easy; vampires and werewolves are not a natural mix. And yet, even if this wasn't right, it certainly felt _good_.

I let go of his shoulders and placed my hands on his broad back, pushing him closer, willing him to carry on. He obeys and after slowly withdrawing he thrusts into me again building up a quick pace. I wrap my legs around him which draws him closer inside of me. I let out a loud grunt and squeeze my legs around his waist.

There are muffled voices and footsteps outside but it's too late to stop now. He rocks inside me roughly and urgently. The bed starts to shake and I'm clinging onto him tightly, his torso providing the cool counterpoint to the sweltering heat of my chest.

I arch my back ready to let out a loud moan but suddenly a hand clamps over my open mouth to silence me. Edward looks at me disapprovingly. He knows what we're doing is dangerous, we could be found out at any minute. But he should know that I won't be silenced by any man. Or vampire. Or werewolf.

I bite down on his fingers as hard as I can. _That'll teach you. _He peers down to smirk at me and then looks towards the headboard, thrusting harder, ignoring my pathetic attempt to injure him_. Damn you, Edward_, I think angrily_. If I was in werewolf form, you'd be picking your fingers out from between my teeth with your one good hand_.

He chuckles softly. I yank impishly at his soft hair. I unclench my jaw and begin to suck playfully at his slender long fingers that are still clamped against my mouth. I can't place the taste but it's sweet and floral, like lycees. I like it.

The footsteps outside are drawing closer and my heart hammers in a delicious combination of excitement and fear. The thrill of being caught heightens our pleasure, bringing us closer to the edge.

The fear is bubbling away like a pan on a hot stove threatening to boil over and I want to scream out but I know that I can't. That I mustn't. Instead I push his hips into me and grunt through gritted teeth.

Our eyes lock as we strain to hear what's happening outside. I hold my breath until the footsteps begin to move away, carrying with it the muffled voices. We both let out a sigh of relief.

The insides of my body feel weak as a momentum builds in the pit of my stomach. My legs begin to slip away from his hips but Edward holds one leg which he hitches around his waist.

He's so rough and forceful with me I wonder how Bella coped in her human form. Did she have to wheel herself around like Billy Black after the wedding night? I match his roughness with my own tough physicality, scraping his back, pulling his hair, gnawing at his smooth lower lip.

I can see that the need within Edward is his primary motivation. He isn't really seeing me; he's losing himself to the act itself, no responsibilities or worries to furrow his brow. I don't want to be a mindless fuck but we seem to be heading into that territory as his eyes gaze unseeingly at the headboard.

A low throaty growl emerges from deep within his chest. He's on the edge, I can feel the minute shift of his body which ripples and shudders.

_I'm not there yet. No. Not yet. _I implore but it's too late.

He looks down at me and grimaces, half in apology, half in ecstasy. He holds himself close to me as he lets out a final breathless moan in my ear. I hold his quivering body in my arms as he whispers "sorry". He sounds like he genuinely means it and I'm guessing the words 'mindless fuck' are flashing through his head right now like a bright neon sign.

"It's okay," I whisper into his hair, although I'm not sure I mean it. I stare at the patterns on the ceiling, focusing all my attention on the swirling patterns instead of the unresolved aching between my legs.

"Next time, you'll make up for it," I say, hopefully.

There's no reply. He gets up briskly, breaking free from my grasp, sliding his jeans on and pulling his thick brown belt through the denim loops. I stare at the back of his head dumbfounded.

"This did happen, you know." I say icily, hiding my wounded pride.

"I know," he mutters, bitterly.

He whips around, running his fingers through his hair. "And you're right,"

"About what?"

"This was a mindless fuck, nothing more, nothing less,"

My words rush out like a gust of wind. "Yeah? You tell yourself that when your fucking her and thinking of me in your disneyfied cottage and disneyfied life having disneyfied, mind-numbingly boring sex with your boring little wife!"

He throws a heap of clothes at me and storms out of the room, pausing at the door.

He doesn't even bother to look at me directly. "Get changed and get out," he says coldly.

I grab my clothes but I don't change. A roll of shivers down my back are all it takes to turn me. I angrily bound out the room, out of the cottage and into the cover of the nearby forest.

* * *

ZOMG!  
Is this the end for our two lovebirds already?  
Tune in for the next chapter to find out…

Reviews make Leah run faster. But speed is not always a good thing if you're poor Edward!


	7. Everything Changes But You

Hi all. I'm finally back and posting the next chapter. As some of you might know, since my last chapter a lot of personal stuff has happened to me. I got fired from my job and it turned my life upside down. Thankfully, I've started to piece my life back together and I'm in a good place now. Anyhoo, the story is back on track. I made many re-writes on this chapter until I was finally satisfied. I want to post frequently now. Fingers crossed I can do that.

I hope you enjoy the chapter.

* * *

Everything changed on _that_ day. Thinking of that horrid, selfish leech made my blood boil. How could I have been so stupid? I may have achieved a hollow victory against Jacob and Bella but it had cost me my self-respect. There was no way that was happening again. I had managed to successfully avoid the Cullen House of Horrors for a few weeks until mom forced me to pick Seth up when he went to play football.

Seth was talking with Edward in the garden before he spotted me. He beckoned me over and I had no choice but to go over to them. I really didn't want to intrude on the bromance and reluctantly made my way.

Even from a distance I could see Edward's expression changing. He was capable of being cold, I'd experienced that myself, but this was something else all together. There was a sub-zero temperature frostiness emanating from every inch of his body. The cold mask was fitting into place. How dare he act so angry? I was the one who had been treated like a piece of trash. I stormed over, fuming each step of the way.

Seth looked happy to see me until I got closer and he saw how mad I was. Then, he seemed to go several shades paler and gulped audibly.

"Hey Seth," I said, as calmly as I could manage.

"Hey, Leah," he said nervously, cogs whirring in his brain trying to decipher my furious look.

I turned to the leech. "Hello, Edward," _You utter lowlife scumbag_, I yelled in my head.

"Hello, Leah." He said in a velvet smooth voice that didn't disguise the coldness. "I hope you and your family are well?"

"Oh, they're doing just fine. We're all fine," I said, through gritted teeth. _You smarmy bastard. Oh, and by the way did you know you're crap in bed? _

"Oh, I'm glad to hear that," his lips were a thin red line and his jaw was firmly clenched. He was clearly incandescent with rage underneath that impenetrable mask. I cackled with glee inside my head. I couldn't stop myself from twisting the knife further in his gut.

"How's the family? I think I saw Bella coming out the cottage just now. Such a beautiful little home you've got there," _I was admiring the décor while we were doing it. Bella probably does that too. _

Edward bristled with anger. "Well, I can't take credit for that. The cottage was designed by Esme. She has the good taste that I unfortunately lack."

Huh? Was that a dig at me? I scowled at him just to be on the safe side before turning to Seth.

"Are we ready to go?" I asked him.

"Yup – oh, wait, there was that CD you were going to lend me?" he addressed Edward, pretending not to feel the awkward tension.

"Oh, of course. Um…it's inside my room on the middle shelf. Do you mind going to get it?" he asked.

"Sure, no problem," Seth half walked, half ran to the Cullen house, probably eager to escape the weird atmosphere my presence had brought. The kid wasn't dumb. Only when he was out of earshot did the conversation resume.

"You're going to take Seth and not come back here ever again," Edward hissed at me. "This is the last time I'm going to see you."

"Haven't you got the decency to apologise first? I thought you were a gentleman from another era. You treated me like shit. You _threw_ my clothes at me," I hissed back indignantly, still bruised by the memory of it.

He flinched at my words. He didn't like being reminded of his less than chivalrous behaviour. "I'm sorry. I gave into temptation and that was a big mistake. It cannot and will not happen again."

"I'm not a mistake, you douchebag."

"You're not a mistake but _it_ was a mistake," he clarified.

"I know, I was there." I muttered sarcastically. "And you don't have to tell me to go away. Do you think I would come crawling back to you? I have something called self-respect and I intend to use it. That means getting the hell away from you."

"Well, I'm not stopping you. Go on your way, Leah." he turned on his heel and headed towards the house.

All those weeks spent brooding over what had happened should have been enough to convince me that I had been nothing but a fool. But now I realised that I had been fooling myself all along. The anger and pain was from his brutal rejection but that didn't stop me from wanting him.

I took comfort from remembering the softness of his hair, the curve of his jaw, the taste of his lips… even when I hated him. You can't hate someone you don't care about. If this was all meaningless I wouldn't even bother but I did care. I cared an awful lot.

Edward turned around suddenly and looked at me in surprise. The realisation of my feelings was being heard. _Oh shit. _

"Do I have to wear a tinfoil hat around you? Cut it out." I grumbled, knowing my words had come too late.

"You…care about me?" he uttered the words with a sense of wonder. For a moment all his pretensions fell away and I saw that he wasn't angry or full of regret. He scratched the back of his head, an air of confusion and amazement colouring his features. He was almost smiling…

"I never said that," I snapped back. Hearing it from inside my head was humiliating enough. "And you said you never wanted to see me again, remember?"

"What I want and what I need seem to be two very different things." He seemed amused by his words but I didn't quite get the joke.

I looked at him quizzically. "What's that supposed to mean? You tell me you don't want to see me again…and yet you _need_ to see me again? That doesn't sound too complimentary from where I'm standing."

"But it's the truth." He said, simply.

And then it dawned upon me. _I needed Edward as much as he needed me_. We sought comfort in each other. For all our healing wounds, our insecurities and fears, we had to be together. Nothing and no one else would do. My heart beat wildly at such a thought.

"So what do we do now?" I could see Seth approaching, tucking a CD into the back pocket of his jeans.

Edward gaze switched from Seth to me and the dreaded mask returned, his resolve changing before my very eyes. "Nothing. We can't do this."

"What?" I exclaimed incredulously. _Damn it, Edward, stop losing your nerve every five seconds. _

"This is a lot harder for me, Leah. Please appreciate that at least." He said flatly.

"Fine. We can't do this," I repeated, dully.

Seth joined my side as we both walked away. I walked at a brisk pace, desperate to get out of there and before Edward could hear the rest of my thoughts. It was really just one thought.

Disappointment.

***

The days and weeks had turned into a monotonous sludge of everyday living since Edward and I had last parted. For a while I turned into a moping sad sack that refused to get out of bed after long nights of staying in my wolf form but that didn't last long when mom noticed my behaviour.

She would pull the curtains open and hustle me out of bed. She had a cunning plan to involve me in every household chore and soon I was scrubbing dishes, doing the laundry, ironing clothes – I never touched Charlie's clothes though, just the thought of touching his underwear made me heave. I was slowly losing my mind and decided a long walk through some mountainous landscape would bring back some of my misplaced sanity.

My new '_need to be alone'_ place was the lake which lay at the foot of the mountains. There was an eerie calm to the lake, like it was hiding a dark secret underneath its murky waters. I threw a flat stone into the water which fell straight in with a large splash.

I wondered how deep the lake was. I wanted to dive down into the moss green waters and never re-emerge, just sink to the bottom like lead. My eyes glazed over at the thought as I imagined it. I felt like the last person on earth sitting here.

I rubbed my thumb over the pebble I held in my hand. It felt smooth and cold. An unfortunate reminder of someone I wanted to forget. I threw it at an angle and watched it dance gracefully over the surface, creating delicate ripples before finally dipping under the water.

The grace of its movement was another unpleasant reminder of a person I wanted to forget. The last conversation I'd had with him was still ringing in my ears. It seemed to get louder like an alarm bell the more I tried to ignore it.

I felt like I had been dumped and it hurt that he knew my real feelings before said dumping. It just wasn't fair. I didn't appreciate having my thoughts plucked out of my brain like that. It was an unfair advantage. I knew that he was wrestling with complicated emotions – I naively used to think bloodsuckers weren't capable of being so complex – but that slight wavering of his resolve had given me hope.

If he could just let himself go, I wasn't asking for a lifetime or even a year - which would surely be a meaningless amount of time to him – I just wanted him for as long as necessary. This wasn't a case of ownership, this was more like borrowing. I just wanted to borrow his time and company for a little while. How could I convince him to see things my way?

I could sit here moping for the rest of eternity skimming stones or I could get off my ass for one last conversation. I knew which option it had to be. I felt inside my pockets for my collection of pebbles. The stones clattered to the ground as they fell but I didn't notice. My attention was diverted by a flash of colour on the side of mountain.

My keen eyesight could differentiate the subtle hues against the wooden backdrop easily. It was a blur of copper that glinted briefly in the sunlight before vanishing into the trees. Could it be…? Nerves jangled in my stomach as I thought of him being near. He could only be here if he was hunting. I wanted to run to him but one thought stopped me in my tracks.

Bella.

But maybe…just maybe he _was_ here alone. I'd seen in Jacob's thoughts a brief snatch of her hunting with the demon spawn and Jacob tagging along for the ride. I could follow his trail at least and then shoot off if I picked up Bella's scent. Yep, that sounded like a good plan.

***

A sweet scent hung in the wind which I managed to pick up pretty quick. I ran through the forest but it wasn't easy in my human form, I had to jog to a slower pace and take a break to catch my breath every now and then. I was in the thick of the forest, walking slowly as the midday sun filtered in between the canopy of leaves.

That's when it hit me.

I took another step but hovered as I was overcome by a heavy thick scent that penetrated the air. It unlocked my primitive senses, arousing the wolf in me. I was repulsed by my reaction; humans don't usually salivate when they smell a fresh animal carcass but I just couldn't help myself. I was as predictable as one of Pavlov's dogs.

The picture was already in my mind; the animal was a deer and it lay with its neck cut and exposed. _Don't run for it, Leah, this isn't your dinner, _I told myself angrily. I had spent too much of my spare time lingering as a wolf and my impulses had blurred between my two forms. That would teach me for trying to get away from being human.

The air became more saturated with the smell of the kill; faintly metallic and salty, I picked up the pace until I saw it. The dead deer lay there like an animal version of CSI: Forks and I wondered who had killed it.

The lesion on the neck was small and precise. A little congealed blood matted the fur around it but the corpse looked drained. A sweet smell accompanied it. I looked around for the person responsible when the leaves rustled and a gust of wind blew right past me. I blinked at the figure who had appeared in front of me.

He looked relieved to see me. "I saw you at the lake. I had to find you. Last time we spoke…" his forehead creased with anxiety. "I was a jerk –"

"Don't take all the blame, Edward. I was a jerk too. At least credit me with that." I grinned sheepishly at him.

He grinned back at me. "Maybe we can forgive and forget?"

I held out my hand to shake to his. "We'll call a truce. We're both jerks."

He considered my words before shaking my hand. "We should form a self-help group. To…you know, help with the whole not-being-a-jerk thing."

We were at arm's length from one another and our clasped hands hung in the space between us, both reluctant to let go. The coldness of his hand didn't bother me but I still shivered slightly at his touch.

"We are eventually going to have to let go, Leah." he said, jokingly.

"Not yet," I whispered, gripping my fingers tightly over his palm. This may be a joke to Edward but I seriously meant it.

He used his other hand to gently pry my fingers away. I didn't make any effort to resist. Evidently, I was battling a lost cause. "So this is it from now on? We exchange a few words and then carry on like nothing ever happened?" I sighed, expecting what his answer would be.

Edward edged closer to me and pulled me into a hug. I was not expecting _this_. I wrapped my arms around him while he rested his chin on the top of my head. "I don't want to hurt you, Leah…"

That sounded more like the answer I expected. I sighed again and held onto him, the last glimmer of hope slipping away from me. He didn't want me. Just like everyone else.

"…then don't let me go," I muttered uselessly into his shoulder. Tears sprung to my eyes and threatened to spill onto my cheek. I refused to blink, holding them in my eyes, blurring my vision until the forest looked like it had been submerged under water. The colour of moss green swam in front of me. So this is what it felt like to drown in the lake by the mountains. A fresh kind of pain seared my insides.

Edward pulled me away from him gently to look me in the eyes but I refused to meet his gaze. I didn't want him to see how much this was hurting me. The tears rolled down my cheeks with a single blink. He tenderly wiped them away and held my face in his hands forcing me to look directly into his honey coloured eyes.

"I need you, Leah. As much as I try to lie to myself and as much as I try to deny it, there's a part of me that wants it just as badly as you do. Are you happy to accept half of me? Half a person? Half a piece of happiness?"

I cleared my throat before speaking. I hated sounding like a cry-baby even though that's precisely what I was. "My hands are pretty empty when it comes to happiness, so I'll take anything I can get." I joked weakly. "This won't last forever, I know that and if either of us wants out we'll call it quits, but I want to be with you…please?"

He chuckled softly, "as if you needed to ask."

He leaned forward and pressed his lips against mine. The trail of tears had run down my mouth and I probably tasted like salt but he didn't seem to mind. His hands were as cold as the water in the lake but it didn't feel like I was drowning anymore. I was floating to the surface...

He had rescued me.

* * *

Well, Leah is getting her wish. How will the rocky relationship fare in next chapter? Stay tuned…

_(I re-submitted this chapter to get rid of the glaringly hideous misspellings)_


	8. Come As You Are

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

**A/N: I think this is one of the shortest chapters I've written so I've tried to post it quickly and get the next one ready too. I love this chapter. It's fun and light. I think music is a really important element in Twilight fics and Nirvana's In Utero album was the musical influence on this chappie. I listened that album a lot while writing this. **

**I hope you enjoy it!**

* * *

We met up a further five times that week. By now I had become addicted to the rush of each secret rendezvous. The clothes were hurriedly taken off, limbs entwined in haste and dishevelled hair was smoothed back as we parted each time vowing never again. I needed Edward like a drug which I didn't realise at the time. The last time we met I finally learnt that things had started to go awry.

Mom, Seth and Charlie had gone to the cinema for an evening showing. It was 'family bonding' time, something I had no interest in when Charlie was tagging along.

I decided to make other plans. Edward had been able to spare half an hour to come over to visit and would be arriving in five minutes. Our plan had been made with military precision.

I opened the Nirvana CD case which I had earlier made Seth borrow off one his friends. Edward was obsessive about music and had impeccable taste - according to him anyway.

I'm sure he would have been impressed with my choice but the truth is I didn't get it for him. I got it because it was the noisiest record I'd ever heard and would act as the perfect camouflage for any noise we might make. Edward knew by now I was noisy in bed.

I flipped the case over and read the song list. One song title leapt out at me immediately. _'Rape me'_. That one would be a definite mood killer. I decided to play it to hear the lyrics. Nirvana lyrics could be cryptic at the best of times and the song title might not even be in the chorus. I played it.

_Rape me_

_Rape me my friend_

_Rape me_

_Rape me again_

The song title was _definitely_ in the chorus. Before I could even decide on how to deal with this situation I heard a tap on the window. I ran to the window sill and drew back the curtains.

"Took you long enough," I smirked as I pushed open the window to let him in.

He clambered through the window and landed lightly on his feet. I turned on my CD player, pressed 'shuffle' and hoped to God that we would be finished by the time '_rape me'_ had a chance to play.

He cocked his head to one side as the CD started playing '_Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge on Seattle'_. "I never had you down as a Nirvana fan," he said.

"What can I say? I'm a sucker for a loud riff," I replied, turning up volume level.

He shrugged off his grey jacket and tugged my shirt over head. He pulled me closer to gain access to the back of my neck which he kissed hungrily. He removed my shirt and bra and I felt the smooth palms of his hands gliding over my breasts as we kissed. He stood back to pause for a moment in admiration. I knew by now that Edward was a breast man.

The music had an unexpected affect on us. As if the thrill of being caught out wasn't enough to send the adrenaline pumping through our veins – well, my veins at least – the exploding guitar riffs and pounding drum beat created a dark, brooding energy which flowed around the room and ricocheted off the walls.

_She'll come back as fire_

_To burn all the liars_

_Leave a blanket of ash on the ground_

We were lost to the moment once more, closing off from the rest of world to find each other. The wooden headboard rattled forcefully against the wall with a _thud, thud, thud_, and the bedsprings creaked and groaned underneath our connected bodies. I barely noticed the next song had started.

_Sunburn with freezer burn_

_Choking on the ashes of her enemy_

_In the sun_

_In the sun, I feel as one_

_In the sun, in the sun_

_Married, Buried_

I tilted my head back and screamed in pleasure as he thrust harshly against me, his face wearing a look of concentration. He was battling against his conscience and desire and I knew his desire was winning. I was greedy for him now. I didn't want to let him go even though our relationship was destructive for both of us.

I wrapped my legs around him and squeezed him tighter to me. I didn't even hear the front door unlock with a click or hear the extra pair of footsteps that followed everyone else into the living room.

"Leah, turn that music down. Leah? Can you hear me over that racket?" my mother's impatient voice rang out from the bottom of stairs.

"Yeeeees!" I called out, reaching a breathless orgasm. I had made sure that Edward would never repeat what happened on our first time together. He rocked on top of me, coming quickly and finishing with a fierce kiss.

I was surprised he managed to come at all after hearing my mother's stern voice.

I dived out of bed to switch the CD player off and grabbed my clothes up off the floor. I glanced at the mirror and my face looked flushed with a tell-tale streak of red across my cheekbones. Edward snatched his clothes up and had changed so quickly, he already had one leg swung over the window sill. I kissed him aggressively which he reciprocated, kissing my neck and collarbone as he lowered himself down onto the drainpipe.

"When will I see you next?" I asked, panicked by wanting my next fix already.

"Soon," he assured me.

I shut the windows, drew the curtains and ran downstairs to the kitchen.

"So what's the emergency, mom?" I asked, hoping that my obvious attempt to rush would explain away my flushed complexion.

"Nothing, but Alice is here, we met her on the way home and invited her in. She loves talking with Charlie," The way she said his name with such obvious affection bothered me greatly but I ignored it.

"Hi Leah, it's nice to see you again," she said, her smile widened to see me and her teeth glinted in bright kitchen light. I didn't return the smile; there was something untrustworthy about it.

Mom had baked a blueberry pie before she left which she started dividing into pieces. She was going to cut a slice a fifth slice but her knife hovered in hesitation.

"It's all right, Sue, I'm not hungry," she joked and my mom laughed.

"As you please, dear," she said and picked up the slices for Seth and Charlie. "Come join us," she said to both of us.

"Actually, I wanted a quick chat with Leah,"

Mom looked at me for some sign for assurance. I nodded and watched mom take the pie slices into the living room before speaking again.

"I don't feel like speaking, I'm actually quite tired," I said breezily, fighting to hide a secret smile as the inside of my thighs ached.

"Fine. But tell me this, is it worth it?"

My head snapped up at her words. She knew everything. What a prying little busybody she was. Why can't she let us be? How did she find out? She answered my question before I had a chance to ask it.

"You'd think I'd see it all in his future but I didn't. His future looked the same. You were never a part of it," she said coolly, gauging my reaction. I blushed angrily at her comment. She thought she could unsettle me with her words but I knew better than anyone it was never going to last.

A small part of me wanted it to but that was never my original intention. I just wanted to snatch away another person's happiness and use it for myself in the same way people had snatched my happiness away from me.

"He started to bathe regularly. For a vampire it isn't necessary but he became meticulous about bathing and washing his clothes. When the washing machine in his cottage broke down and he came to main house to wash his clothes, jasper said he could feel the panic rolling off him. Jasper was concerned and I said I'd talk to Edward about it privately, and when I spoke to him I just knew, although he never admitted it outright." she concluded sadly.

I clutched at my chest and tried to breathe evenly but the room was swimming in front of my eyes. I knew everything would come crashing down but I didn't want to give up my drug just yet, I wasn't ready.

"Alice, I know that Edward doesn't belong to me. We'll part and act like it never happened. But I'll be the one to end it not anyone else," I laced my words with a hint of menace. I hoped she'd take the hint. _Keep your mouth shut_.

"Yes, of course," she said, curling a short lock of hair around her finger. Her expression was calm and relaxed. She believed me.

"Does anyone else know?" I enquired.

"No one. Edward doesn't even realise I know. Translating the Bible into Aramaic worked a treat."

"Good, keep it that way." I ordered.

I marched out of the door without a second glance and made my way back to my room. I pressed play and flopped onto the ruffled sheets on my bed. I could still smell him on the covers; it was the sweet lycees I had grown accustomed to.

_Rape me_

_Rape me my friend_

_Rape me_

_Rape me again_

I grabbed a pillow and held it over my ears until the song was over.

Damn, _shuffle_ button.

* * *

A/N: I feel the need to include a disclaimer here just in case anyone gets the wrong idea. The song 'Rape Me' is not meant to imply Leah has been raped. It's just a song title and Kurt Cobain wrote that song as a comment about the media treatment. I hope I've clarified that for y'all.

Okay, enough seriousness, what didja think?  
A slice of Sue's delicious blueberry pie for every review.


	9. Hotel Rooms & Booze Don't Mix

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

**A/N: I forgot to do this last chapter but I need to warn you about the strong lemony taste if ya catch my drift. Naughtiness abounds. Also, if you don't like the idea of Leah and Edward having a tempestuous, angsty love affair then this isn't the fic for you. I have a strong vision on where I'm taking this story, there's only three chapters left after this one. I hope that you stick with it and enjoy it. Much love to everyone who favourited/reviewed this story.**

* * *

"We need to talk", my mom says, her face full of parental concern as we sit in the Borders café.

I sigh and look down at my coffee cup, idly stirring my spoon, dispersing all the cappuccino foam. I hate this conversation already.

"I don't want to pressure you, honey, but I think it would be a good idea to think about your future. There are so many options for you, sweetheart. Don't get left behind. There are plenty of things for you to do. A part time job, maybe to save for college or volunteering. I know your father and I wanted to see you go to college,"

I gulp loudly as I sip on my coffee. I wasn't prepared to hear mom talking about dad's wishes for me in such a casual way.

You're so smart…"

"Oh, mom, don't -" I object. Mom wouldn't feel so proud if she knew I was doing, or rather _who_ I was doing.

"No, honey, it's true. We know you can study, where you get the patience from I don't know but you're an intelligent girl…" she continues talking and I start to tune her out.

I didn't want a '_what are you going to do with your life_?' speech. That's the least of my worries. What would I say? Actually, mother, I'm screwing someone else's husband and I haven't had the chance to think about college.

I distract myself by listening to the music playing in the background. The lyrics rewrite themselves in my head and I can't help smiling. "I kissed Edward Cullen and I liked it. The taste of his…" I smirk as I take another sip of coffee.

"…you're growing up now, Leah. I want to see you do something with your…"

The song changes to some boring track. I play songs in my head, re-writing the lyrics as I go along. 'I'm fucking Ed Cullen, she's fucking Ed Cullen, on the bed, on the floor, on a towel by the door…"

"Leah Clearwater, what the heck has gotten into you?"

I don't even realise I'm laughing out loud. Oops. Mom is looking me like I'm insane. Now she's looking mad because she realises I haven't been listening to her. Shit.

I try to make amends. "Sorry, mom." I say but it's too late.

She fixes me with a stern parental look. "Leah. I don't know what you think is so funny but I won't have you sitting around doing nothing, squandering your future away. I see way too many kids end up like that I'll be damned if that's going to happen to you too."

That's certainly wiped the smile off my face. I glumly stare at the coffee dregs in the bottom of my cup.

***

"I need help,"

"Yes miss, how may I help you?" asks the Borders assistant

"Erm…I uh…is there a self-help section?" I say the phrase 'self help' like it's some deviant sexual practice. I feel disgusted for even asking but mom is watching me out of the corner of her eye. She wants to see me doing something pro-active and thinks some motivational literature might coax me out of my rut.

The assistant leads me to a bookshelf full of title such as _'how to change your mind and life', 'life strategies: doing what works', 'cut the crap and resolve your problems'_. I run my finger along the spines, feigning interest until I'm out of mom's view. I dig around in my bag and check my cell phone. One new message. Edward wants to me see me tonight an expensive hotel just outside of town at 8.00pm. I delete it immediately.

The rush of happiness is quickly followed by an unease that makes my stomach drop. Alice knows about us. Has she told him that she knows? She could easily give him an ultimatum: leave Leah or she'll tell Bella.

That Alice is a sly one. It's in her interest to keep Edward and Bella together. She had the nerve to confront me, what else is she capable of? I dread to think.

***

It's 8.20pm and I'm running late. Literally. I dressed up especially for the evening, wearing a black dress made of shiny material that glitters gold in the light. It's tight and short and I have to yank it down every so often as I run down the lamp lit street.

I have my running shoes on. The heels were slung into my overnight bag when I realised that heels and running are not a happy combination. The wind has probably knocked all the shape out of my blow dried hair but I don't care. As long as I get to Edward I don't care about anything.

I'm panting and puffing as I reach the entrance of the hotel. The doorman gives me an odd look as he opens the glass door which pisses me off. I walk into a huge circular reception with a magnificent gold chandelier hanging from the centre but that isn't what makes me gasp.

I can see Edward sitting in the corner, his head bent down as he stares at his drink. The golden light is reflecting the copper tones in his hair, which is neatly combed away from his face, or as neatly as he can manage to make it. He's wearing a dark grey suit with a thin black tie, looking like a 1950s matinee idol, waiting for me to arrive.

I pull at my dress which suddenly doesn't seem expensive enough and tuck the loose strands of hair behind my ear. I saunter up to him in a casual, almost bored way.

"Nice suit," I say, indifferently.

"Nice shoes," he observes, peering at my scuffed, dirty running shoes.

_Shit. _I had forgotten to swap my sneakers for the fuck-me heels that were still nestled inside my bag.

"Well, a girl's got to be practical," I shrug in an effort to throw off my mortifying embarrassment. I push back my shoulders and jut my chin out to an effort to regain my shrivelled up confidence.

He meets my eyes and dangles a hotel room key above my outstretched hand. "Please be ready for me when I come up in fifteen minutes."

I enclose my fingers around the key. "Just because you wear an overpriced suit doesn't mean you get to order me around," I say arrogantly, "unless you want me to slap into next week."

His expression becomes thoughtful and he rubs the side of his neck before he speaks. "I would be delighted to join your esteemed company in our hotel suite in fifteen minutes?"

"Now that wasn't so difficult was it, Edward? I will expect you promptly."

"Of course," he grinned.

I race to the hotel room in double speed. I guess the running shoes do have their advantages….

***

I sit in front of the dressing table mirror, brushing out my hair. I'm waiting for Edward to arrive. I glance at the clock but there's still ten minutes to go. _Damn it, Edward, are you writing a novel down there? Get a move on_, I think angrily, yanking the brush roughly through my hair.

I don't know what to expect tonight. There's a different kind of tension in the air and I'm feeling more than a little nervous. We've never bothered to dress up for each other before or make elaborate plans to meet up in an expensive hotel like this. It makes me feel grown-up and kind of seedy, as if I've gone from being an amateur to a professional.

It's a dangerous game I'm playing. I got myself hooked on a physical need and the thrill of taking someone who didn't belong to me. I wasn't supposed to have any real kind of attachment. My heart was never at stake here. And yet, here I am, relishing the prospect of lying asleep in Edward's arms for one whole night…

I put down the hairbrush and head for the minibar hoping to find a little Dutch courage. I kneel down and open the tiny fridge door. There are tiny, neat rows of miniature bottles of various alcohols along with a bag of peanuts and some expensive, ornately wrapped, continental praline chocolates.

I don't know what to choose first so I opt for the prettiest bottle which has blue coloured glass. The label on it says 'Bombay Sapphire Distilled London Gin'. _Way to buck the stereotype, Leah_, I think to myself before unscrewing the cap. I swiftly glug down the contents straight out of the bottle. It tastes strongly of lemon and I like it.

I toss away the empty bottle and take out another. And another. And another. And maybe just a few more. I drain the contents and wipe my mouth roughly with the back of my hand. I'm about as classy as drunken housewife but I don't really care. It's taken the edge off my nerves which is exactly what I needed. In fact, I feel quite giddy with happiness, as if the intense heat inside my body was doing a Mexican wave from my head to my toes. It's also made the room spin at a dizzying forty five degree angle…

There's a sharp rap of knuckles at the door. "Leah? It's me," he calls from behind the door. I quickly grab at the few remaining bottles and the chocolates and proceed to stuff them into my purse. He _is_ paying after all. I try to compose myself before I let him in. I drag him by the arm into the centre of the room, praying he can't smell the alcohol on my breath.

His gaze flickers towards the tiny fridge door which I've left slightly ajar. "I see someone's been getting the party started without me," he says with a sly smile.

_Oh, crap on a stick. _I should have known better than to think I can hide anything from him. _He's like the ultimate party-pooper; ruining surprise birthday parties and movie endings for all eternity. _

"Oh, unbunch your panties, Edward. If you hadn't kept me waiting for so long I might be sober right now," I close the fridge door and return to him, wobbling slightly.

"I kept you waiting for so long? It was only fifteen minutes," he reasons correctly. "Do you miss me that much?" his voice is pure velvety smugness.

"I miss you like a hole in the head," I reply sarcastically. It almost sounds believable except for the hot crimson blush flooding my bare skin which gives my true intentions away.

"Maybe you need a reminder," he suggests playfully.

"Maybe _you_ need a reminder," my retort doesn't make a lick of sense but I just want to say something and sound sexy. _The drink really is going to my head. _

I take a step closer to him and meet his eyes. The light glints off his sleek cheekbones. "Like the heels?" I ask, undoing his tie.

He glances down at them, stroking my thigh with a cold finger. "Model them for me," he commands in a sultry voice.

I'm glad to be half drunk as I parade up and down the room, tottering and swaying in my shoes like Bambi learning to walk. It's silly and cute and we're both giggling by the time I finish. "You like?" I ask, looking for his approval.

"I love," he says warmly.

"You have too many clothes on," I pout.

"I think I can remedy that," he says mischievously.

His quickly strips down to nothing. His pale body glimmers in the soft hotel room lighting. I'm almost as tall as him in my heels. Our bodies enclose around each other as I kiss him greedily, gnawing at his smooth-as-glass lips.

He abruptly breaks away from me. "Ugh! You taste awful!" he splutters in disgust, as if he's just tasted something deeply unpleasant.

I feel quite hurt by his reaction. I didn't drink _that_ much did I? "I can rinse my mouth out if it will help?" my words come out slurred but he's too distracted to notice.

"Yeah," he nods, still reeling from the taste.

I hastily stumble out of the way in embarrassment into the bathroom. I slam the door behind me and run the cold water faucet. I gulp down the cool water and rinse it around my mouth. The fresh clean taste of water is in deep contrast to the pungent flavour of the gin and various other liquors I had consumed. No wonder he didn't like it. There's a brand new toothbrush and tube of toothpaste neatly lined up next to the sink. I brush my teeth thoroughly and rinse a few more times before returning.

I make my way towards the bed where Edward is underneath the covers. The whole room seems to be tilting oddly. Am I walking or staggering? I slide between the sheets as gracefully as I can manage and roll on top of him. I hesitate before daring to kiss him. "Is this better?" I ask, brushing my warm lips against his.

"Much better," he agrees, tasting my lips, hesitantly at first, then with more vigour as he realises the unpleasant taste really has faded away.

"What do I taste like to you?" I mumble between kisses.

"You mean, when you're not filled up on booze?" he jokes.

My hands reach around his neck and I press my thumb against the hollow of his throat. "Careful, Edward, I don't wanna mess you up. You're pretty to waste but I will if need be." I give him my most menacing look.

He strokes the side of my face soothingly and looks a picture of innocence. "I will be on my best behaviour, I can assure you." The tone of his voice makes my stomach tingle…or is it due to all the booze sloshing around in there?

"You haven't answered my question yet," I say to distract myself from the strange feeling in my stomach, while he nuzzles against my neck.

"Hmmm…" he hums, his lips vibrating against my jaw line, "what do I think you smell like? Well it's earthy…like walking through a lush forest. Mixed with a hint of something sweet like vanilla. I didn't like it at first but now I can appreciate a different sort of bouquet."

"Interesting." I reply, not sounding the least bit interested. My mind is consumed with the feel of Edward's mouth on my hot skin.

"What do I taste like?" he asks with genuine curiosity.

"Lycees." I reply instantly. "Exotic. Like inhaling strong perfume. It burned my nose at first but I like it now. Must be a mind over matter thing…" my words trail off as Edward rolls me underneath him and presses against me eagerly. The conversation is entirely forgotten as we become lost in each other.

I kiss the shadows that fall on his face, on the hollow of his cheeks, the light that reflects along his sculpted cheekbones. Every kiss is a confession of adoration. I want to adore him and be adored by him.

The unbridled lust that flashes in Edward's eyes reminds me of a caged animal that is waiting to be released. My clothes come off but the heels remain. The perfect gentleman who sat in the lobby downstairs is not present in this room. Goodbye tender loving; hello, Edward's inner freak.

I don't mind which Edward I'm with, whether it's the gentleman or the freak on a leash, as long as I'm with him, I'm more than happy to surrender to his will. _Is this the drink talking? Damn, I'm too far gone…_

Every vein and blood vessel is pumping fresh blood through my body, as if I have been revived from the dead. My heart is racing and I'm gasping for every breath as we roll around the bed, kissing and touching the skin beneath our fingers, fighting to dominate over one another.

It's not long before Edward's coiffed hair reverts to back to its natural state; unruly sex hair. _Just the way I like it. _

The movements become frenetic as we grind against each other. He cups my breasts, squeezing harshly, making me cry out in both pain and pleasure. I retaliate by scratching my nails down his back as hard as I can. We tumble out of bed and crash onto the floor – we're too busy to even notice where we are. The walls could have come crashing down for all I care.

He pushes roughly into me and I want to scream out feeling his coldness inside of me. It's not like I should be surprised, I know what he feels like by now, but it just gets me every time and… _Christ, it feels good_.

My eyes roll upwards and I stare up at the white ceiling as Edward starts to thrust with a brute force that has me moaning at the top of my voice.

I realise how blessed I am to have fast healing powers as his relentless pounding rubs me harshly against the carpet floor which would score major friction burns on an ordinary person. Luckily, I'm no ordinary person.

Fast healing powers also mean that my liver is working through the copious amounts of alcohol in my body in double quick time. My ecstasy is slowly turning to agony as Edward's frantic movements start to make me feel nauseous. _Oh please, don't be sick, please don't be sick, please don't…_

"…uh, Edward…I feel…uh …not good," I moan helplessly.

He looks down at me with concern. "You want…to stop?" he asks breathlessly.

"Yeah," I pant, thankful that the seasick motions have ceased but my stomach is still churning.

He lifts himself carefully off me and reaches out his hand to pull me up. My stomach does a huge flip and the urge to expel becomes my first priority. I smack his hand away and immediately dash into the bathroom where I loudly throw up.

I feel cold hands sweeping the back of my neck as Edward holds my hair. I shut my eyes until the ordeal is over and my stomach has finished retching.

"Are you okay?" his brows are knitted together with concern. I feel touched by his concern; I didn't expect him to be so understanding. I sit down on the cold tiles, which I find strangely soothing, and lean next to the cabinet.

"I've been worse." I smile weakly.

Edward slumps down onto the floor with his head in his hands. I notice his trousers are slung loosely around his waist. _He must have put those on quick_, I think to myself.

"This was a bad idea. I knew it the moment I stepped in the room and smelt the alcohol on your breath." He mutters, his eyes cast down.

"Hey. I'm not the screw-up here. So I got a little tipsy. That's hardly a crime." I say in an offended tone.

He looks at me with a weary expression. "No…but I just can't deal with it. I can't deal with you. Your perplexing and infuriating and –"

"I'm not boring. I'm not predictable. I've broken you out of your little bubble of a safe and cosy existence. And you love me for it."

Shock flickers across his face. I've never used the L word before and it has stunned him into silence.

Edward gets to his feet slowly and calmly. "Leah. I'm not going to blame you for any of this. I'm not exactly the innocent party here but I don't want to hurt you and things have spun out of control."

My head throbs painfully. "So what's happens now?"

"I think it's best if I leave." he says, walking over to kiss my forehead. I want to scream out '_don't leave me,_' but the rational part of my brain is telling me to be quiet. I should at least keep my dignity if he's going to walk out on me. I keep my mouth shut.

His lips touch me briefly and then he's gone.

I sprawl out onto the cold tiles and shut my eyes. If I'm lucky I'll wake up from this horrible nightmare of an evening…

***

I feel a cold pair of arms wrapping around me, lifting me to my feet. I fight the urge to stand, slumping to the ground where I stand. I feel an arm sweeping underneath my legs and I'm being carried like a small child. I'm too tired to open my eyes but I know who it is. _Who else has ice-cold arms?_ _Edward obviously changed his mind and came back._

I wanted to sleep in Edward's arms but I wanted to do it as a loving gesture, not because I was passed out drunk. But beggars can't afford to be choosers; I'll have to take what I can get. I'm being carefully laid down onto the soft bed. I can feel the bedcovers being gently tugged over me and my hair being brushed away from my face. Edward sure has a delicate touch.

I want to thank him and I force myself to open my eyes. My vision is still out of focus and blurry but I can see two faces hovering over me. They are both small and pale…with dark hair that's short and spiky. They both start to smile at exactly the same time.

"Damn you pixie bitch," is all I can muster before I pass out for the night.

* * *

Stay tuned for next chappie: Leah Vs Alice Part II: Electric Boogaloo

Reviews make Edward strip off his clothes faster.


	10. Blue Moon, Green Forest

**disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

**A/N: I've started another fanfic story called 'Red Riding' so I'm updating fast on this one. There are two chapters left after this one. I hope you enjoy this one. It has a pinch of humour to break up the angst and plenty of sexiness - be warned!**

* * *

I wake up to see a blinking LCD light tell me it's 6.39am. I feel unnerved by the strange surroundings but the memory of last night slowly starts to unfurl in my mind. _I'd drank those tiny blue bottles before Edward arrived… I paraded in my heels… we'd kissed and it went further…I was lying on my back and felt nauseous… and then… and then… oh, where is that little tramp? _

"Rise and shine," says a singsong voice that assaults my ears with its shrillness.

Alice is holding a large breakfast tray which she sets down in front of me. I nibble at the croissant on the plate, unsure of how my stomach will react. I have unfortunately retained the memory of puking up in the bathroom.

"So, this is…different," Alice says by way of conversation.

"You think?" I say, taking a small sip of orange juice.

"Hmm…I must say I've been in stranger situations…" She says thoughtfully as if trying to recall a distant memory.

_Oh, I bet you have, you little weirdo,_ I think to myself. _Please keep your weirdo stories to yourself. _

I look at her expectantly but she doesn't notice as she stares out the window. I click my fingers at her. "Hello? Earth to Alice? I'm waiting for your explanation for why the hell you're here."

"Oh, right." she turns back to me. "Edward told me everything. He was kind of a mess." she waves her hand like this is old news. "I said I'd sort it out and that he didn't need to worry."

Tremors run down my spine, violently rattling the tray on my lap. I want to smash it into her stupid little face. I inhale deeply, gritting my teeth in an effort to stop shaking. Alice looks completely unperturbed. The tremors start to slow down enough for me to speak.

"You said you'd never tell," I say accusingly, trying to keep the anger out of my voice.

She tilts her head to one side. "I didn't betray you, Leah. He told me and I acted surprised, that's all."

I don't believe her for one stinking second. She must have seen the future, she must have seen him making a snap decision to talk to her and then grabbing the chance to conveniently be there right when he needs her. Duplicitous little leech.

"Did Edward send you here?"

"Sort of," she admits slowly. "He felt bad for running out on you so I told him I would check on you and make sure you were okay. I ordered the room service. I thought you'd like the croissants." She smiles her untrustworthy grin.

"Did your psychic powers tell you I liked croissants?" I scoff. "Oh yeah, you can't see my future can you? Shame about that."

"I can see Edward's though." she absentmindedly runs her fingernail along the arm of her chair.

"You can't break us up, Alice. He _needs_ me. He said so himself."

"Honey, I don't need to break the two of you up. It's going to happen anyway like you said." She replies coolly.

"Edward likes being with me. He wouldn't complain if I decided to stick around." I set the breakfast tray aside with a thud that rattles the cutlery on the tray.

"This wont last, Leah and you know it. He would never put you above Bella and Renesmee."

I can hear the streak of family pride in her voice. There's no way she would allow me to shatter their Walton's existence. The idea that Edward would put me above his family sounds so absurd in the cold morning light and I feel rather wounded.

"Well that was before I came into his life. I could easily change his mind if I wanted to. He seemed pretty satisfied whenever he was with me." I speak with an arrogance that makes Alice shift uncomfortably in her seat.

"Well, that may be the case but I know he won't leave you," she bristles with anger. "I saw them fall in love before even they did. It was my confidence in Edward that set everything in motion." Her voice is getting louder and more shrill by the second and her tiny hands are balled into tiny fists. "If it wasn't for me there would be no Bella and Edward!" She slams her fists down on the armrests and shatters them to piles of dust, just to make the point clear.

The usually unflappable Alice appears to be in a flap. I didn't expect her to be quite so rattled by what I said. What's with the _'If it wasn't for me there would be no Bella and Edward'?_ Shit, and I thought she was one of the saner members of Cullen clan. Girlfriend is clearly nuts.

"Well, if you saw them falling in love then you should have seen them growing apart." Her mouth falls open in shock. "Sounds like someone was sleeping on the job and not paying attention to the crystal ball when that happened. Am I right?" I shouldn't be poking the crazy like this but I can't help it. It's strangely amusing.

"What? He… I… it wasn't like –" she splutters aghast.

"Tsk tsk, Alice. You really dropped the ball on this one," I grab her by the arm and march her out the room. She doesn't resist. She's too busy trying to come up with a coherent reply.

"Never mind. Edward seems to be forgiving and if I ever told Bella what happened she'd be forgiving too. Thanks for breakfast and staying over. Was much appreciated. Goodbye, you little fruitcake." I shove her out the room and slam the door shut. I can't deal with _crazy_ this early in the morning.

***

Edward didn't return my call that day. He didn't reply to the text messages either. I couldn't work out why until I realised his accomplice and adopted sister Alice might have something to do with this. It was a pre-emptive strike on her part; to contact him before I got the chance. I'd been outfoxed by a vampire pixie with horrible dress sense.

I still didn't know where he'd gone and it was frustrating the hell out of me.I tried to bug Seth into coming with me to the Cullen mansion in order to confront him.

"Leah, I told you already, they went on vacation," he whined from the living room sofa.

"This is the first time I'm hearing about this," I replied, "when are they coming back?"

"Two weeks." He said, punctuating his words with a swift nod. I joined him on the sofa. "They needed some '_family time'_ according to Dr Carlisle," he said, doing the air quote gesture with both hands.

"Two weeks?" I exclaimed, unable to hide my surprise.

"Uh-huh," Seth mumbled, through a mouth full of potato chips

Damn him. Why was Edward running away from me? I wasn't the problem. _Bella_ was the problem. This vacation out the blue had Alice's meddling fingerprints all over it. That was why he left me alone in the hotel room, so he could go back to playing happy families with Bella and Loch Ness.

As angry as I was at him I still had feelings for him which had taken root inside of me, pushing into my heart and brain like growing weeds. Despite my original intentions, he had gotten under my skin and I craved him constantly.

I still wanted my night with him. This wasn't over until I said it was and if he wants to play this waiting game, then I can play too. I mean, two weeks? That's nothing. There's tons of stuff I can do; go hiking, read a novel, camp under the stars, listen to my ipod, eat lycees, watch crappy TV…put my vibrator in the freezer. I sighed loudly. I am _so_ screwed.

***

After an excruciatingly long wait, Edward finally called me. He wanted to know when he could come over. I told him before dinner. I was going on a fishing trip with Seth and Charlie today. Mom made me tag along because I had been moping around the house. I guess she would have preferred if I went elsewhere to spread my misery.

It wasn't too bad in the end. I caught a beautiful trout which I released back into the river. Charlie seemed at peace, he sat quietly with his fishing rod, and helped me to unhook the trout that was flapping at the end of my line.

When we got home, I traipsed to my bedroom, ready to crash onto my bed. I shut the door behind me and heard a voice.

"Hello stranger,"

I spun around and there was Edward, standing by the closed door, a sheepish expression on his face. My fingers were itching to bitchslap him into next week.

"Don't. I'm not in the mood," I hissed, instantly annoyed, despite my missing him.

"Leah, please. Hear me out," he said.

I folded my arms across my chest. "You left me in that hotel room and then didn't bother to return my calls and texts. You don't deserve to be heard. Get the hell out before I really get mad,"

"Leah, I'm sorry. I panicked. I went to Alice, I'm sorry I had to tell her about us," he apologised. "She's the only person I could trust, and she told me not to contact you. She said it would be easier on us both if I broke things off like that. If you were mad at me for not contacting you then you would be able to forget about me," his voice was full of sincere regret.

Well played, Alice. She obviously didn't tell him about our encounter at my house AND she convinced him to leave me too. I guess she got her crazy under control in order to scheme like the puppet master she believes she is in her crazy little mind. She needs to work for the government or some shit. She's lethal.

"Okay, Edward, first off you haven't the faintest idea how to break up with someone." I told him, "Second of all, why was it necessary for you skip town if you had already broken up with me in your own special way?

"I didn't plan the vacation. Alice persuaded Bella to take a vacation." he said earnestly.

"Oh, I bet she did." I mutter under my breath. "But you're back now though right?"

"Yeah," he sighed. He leaned against the wall. "Except now I have to end this,"

"You're not ending anything. I'm not getting dumped here, Edward," I said fiercely.

"Well, what is happening here then?" he asked in an exasperated tone.

"This is a _mutual agreement_. We're both agreeing to finish it." I said, trying to retain some personal dignity.

"Fine, it's a mutual agreement then." He agreed solemnly.

I contemplated our words but was interrupted by a voice calling from downstairs.

"Leah, mom says dinner's nearly ready."

"Thanks Seth," I called out.

"I have some parting terms for this mutual agreement, Edward," I said, leaning into him aggressively, pushing him back into the wall.

"Which are?"

"You owe me one whole night together. No bailing out this time," I warned. "Or unwanted visitors."

"I accept." He stroked my hair which flowed all the way down my back. "I would also like to put in a request," he said in a warm, velvet tone that could melt the polar ice caps.

"A request?" I asked, raising an eyebrow, seeing his eyes twinkling with mischief. "What kind of request?"

He gripped my shoulders and pushed me downwards until I was on my knees. He clenched my hair tightly in his fist and unzipped his flies. I looked up at him in wonder.

"Do you swallow?"

***

I was waiting patiently in the hidden depths of the mountain forest. Edward had promised to meet me here for our night together. It was a quiet part of the forest which was off the beaten track so there was no chance of bumping into any stray hikers. It was a steep incline to reach the forest clearing which was near impossible to climb unless you were gifted with special powers…

I'd brought a backpack and changed into a pale blue, sheer, cotton dress. My gas lamp was my only light as I sat on my blanket and watched the sun set in peace. Purple streaks of cloud like an artistic flourish of brushstrokes hung in the dark blue sky as the stars began the shine. The beauty of the sky hung heavy in my heart. Letting go hadn't been as easy as I'd originally intended it to be.

I stared up at the stars and wondered how many I would need to gather to make an Edward of my own. A sudden breeze blew past me, ruffling the loose strands of hair around me.

"Hello," he smiled sheepishly as he took in my shocked expression.

I stood up, stumbling slightly. I didn't even hear one footfall and my hearing is keener than most. "Wow, that was wow." I stammered.

He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my forehead gently. "I've rendered you almost speechless. That's got to be some sort of an achievement." He chuckled.

"Yeah, now shut up and kiss me" I said, pulling his face towards mine and crushing my lips against his.

We were never really any good at the preamble chat. We both knew we were here to satisfy a purpose and satisfy that purpose we would, all night long. I held onto him tightly as we kissed which made him chuckle softly. I wanted to remember the taste of his cool lips.

He lay down on the blanket as I unbuckled his pants and straddled his hips. I leaned forward to unbutton his shirt while he hiked my dress up to my waist and rested his cold hands on the curve of my hips. His shirt fell open and his skin glittered, the pale moonlight gave his skin a ghostly, bluish hue.

I ran my hands over his chest, feeling and caressing his hard body. I bent down for a hungry kiss. He seemed relaxed, no worries creasing his forehead. We were going to say goodbye in style. Nothing would be done in haste.

The wind rustled in the trees, picked up loose leaves and scattered them on the forest ground. The Spirits were breathing life into the forest. I could hear the flap of an owl's wings, small creatures with padded feet shuffling in the undergrowth, bats navigating the night sky, spiders spinning wispy cobwebs under the shining light of the moon. It felt natural that we were just two more creatures of the night discovering each other.

Edward was gentle with me when kissing my finger tips, cupping my breasts, stroking my inner thighs. I returned the gesture, licking the smooth planes of his chest, brushing my hands against his cheek, dragging my index finger along his lower lip. I grinded my hips against him, riding him slowly in measured movements.

There were small details I noticed this time around that I had missed before in our hasty couplings. I noticed the way he chewed on his lower lip whenever I moved my hips in a certain direction, the way his eyes rolled upwards and his back arched a little when he touched the peaks of my breasts and how his breathing quickened when our eyes met while he caressed me.

Everything felt much more intimate, as if we were looking past our hurt and pain and seeing each other for the very first time. I wanted to blush.

Our moans echoed in the forest but we were free to cry out in abandon in this secluded part of the mountain. When I finally came I was shivering in pleasure. I bent down to kiss Edward, nuzzling his nose as a loud, drawn out, moan escaped his lips. He looked vulnerable and beautiful in the silver moonlight. He was shivering slightly too. It made my heart ache.

I lay down next to him and he wrapped his cold arms around me so that my body rested by his. "I think you scared all the woodland creatures away with that one," I joked, smiling up at him.

"Me? What about you? I thought all your howling would bring the whole pack here," he chuckled. "Are you cold?" he asked with concern.

"No," I said, bemused by such a question. Werewolves don't get _cold_.

"Oh," he said, confused. "You're still shivering,"

"Oh," I said flatly. I didn't really know what else to say. _You just gave me the best orgasm I've ever had and now we'll never see each other again_.

"Oh," he replied sadly.

_Damn it, I forgot that he could do that_. My eyes began to shut and I yawned loudly.

"You're tired. Sleep." He orders me in a whisper.

I don't fight the tiredness; I let it wash over me as the gentle sounds of the forest fade away from me and I sink into the cradle his arms.

***

The sun was dawning when I woke up. I stretched my arms above my head. I could feel Edward holding me, still as a statue. I gazed up at him and smiled. I would miss that face. He didn't return my smile. His eyes shifted from one side to the other. He could sense a presence in the forest, I could feel it too.

I grabbed my backpack and discarded underwear and ran with him into the dense thickness of the forest trees. We hid behind a thorn bush and waited in silence. I could recognise the dark silhouette that was lit against the dawning sun. Sam was here in his wolf form.

He snuffled at the earth where we had laid together a moment ago and the nearby surrounding area. He paused to look around, raising his ears, and then with a whip of his tail he left. That was close. Uncomfortably close. Edward and I looked at each other.

This had to be the last time.

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The forest scene is one of the first scenes I wrote for this entire story. It has a whole different vibe I think, it's carefree and sweet just like I imagined Leah and Edward to be. But what happens now? Will they break up or stay together?

Reviews make Edward sparkle in the moonlight.


	11. Pain & Piano

**I'm bored of writing the disclaimer. I don't own Twi...blah blah blah, you know the rest.**

**A/N: Okay so last chapter was gorgeous and romantic but all good things must come to an end and so must this story. Just one more chapter after this. I've thrown in some pianoward in this chapter to ease the pain. Can I say a big, gigantic thank you to everyone who's supported the story and reviewed/favourited it. Before this Leah fic, my highest number of reviews for a story was 23. LOL. It goes to show that when you write from your heart and believe passionately in your story - even an uncoventional one like mine - it can pay off, so thank you. I want to hire a plane and skywrite all your names and then draw a big soppy heart around it.**  
**But enough of that, on with the story**.

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I sat on the beach, watching the waves lapping the shore. The rhythm of the waves was hypnotic. I could sit here and watch the day turn into night without blinking once. There was so much to think about…

I smiled to myself as I relived the memories of last night. Edward's touch was still imprinted on my body. I could smell his scent lingering like a half-forgotten presence. It was a taste of happiness that had broken through my mind when it had been clouded with hurt and hate.

I didn't have to suffer anymore. I could let it all go and be free. It was time to move on and find happiness with someone who would put me first, even if it meant risking a broken heart to find it. I knew now that a broken heart can be mended.

A gust of wind blew my hair into my face and I was fighting to push the loose strands away when I saw a tall figure approaching from the distance. I pulled my knees up to my chest defensively as he came to sit down next to me. _Oh, please not him, anyone but him._ _This is so typical. Just as I'm on my way to inner peace I have to cross paths with him._

"Nice day, huh?"

"Same as any other," I replied stiffly.

"I guess so." he smiled, "how's the family?"

"fine." I said, drawing circles in the sand.

"Good, good," he nodded, "how are you?" he asked, watching me surreptitiously out of the corner of his eye.

"Same as when you left me, Sam,"

"Ouch, Leah," he looked taken aback but recovered quickly. "I thought we had moved on."

"And why exactly would you think that?" I snorted indignantly. "Oh that's right. I don't run with your pack so you don't have to hear my thoughts anymore. Out of sight, out of mind, right?"

"It's not like that. I couldn't ever forget you, Leah –"

"But you did," I said softly, turning towards the horizon.

He shifted uncomfortably where he sat from me. "I want you to be happy," his voice was full with sorrow.

"Oh, so you won't have to feel guilty anymore? That's nice of you," I said dryly.

"Sheesh, Leah. You never make things easy, do you?" he sighed.

"what can I say?" I shrugged. "It's one of my many talents."

"Leah, I _know_ you," the tone of his voice had an edge to it, as if he was sharing some big secret. It made me uneasy.

"You don't know shit," I scoffed.

I stared ahead at the sea, watching the turbulent waves. The seagulls screeched overhead, the trees lining the coast bent against the strong wind. Everything was suddenly too loud, I had to get away. "I'm going home." I dusted off my hands and got up. I started walking quickly, not giving him a chance to reply.

"Leah…" he called out from behind me, "he doesn't deserve you."

I froze in my tracks. _He knew_. Exactly what he did or didn't know I wasn't sure, but the bottom line was that he knew about Edward and me and it made my blood run cold. Had he told anyone else? How long would it be before he opened his mouth? Or ran with his pack and mind-blabbed it to everyone else? I groaned audibly at the thought.

I slowly turned around, expecting to see Sam looking angry or disappointed. Instead I was met with a kind, sympathetic face which somehow made me feel a million times worse.

He looked like he genuinely wanted to help me but I didn't need or want any of his help. I wasn't a person in need. I knew exactly what I was doing. I hadn't gone into this with my eyes closed. I hadn't been dazzled into submission by Edward. I was just on the brink of inner peace and now he had to come along and shit all over it.

I wanted to turn away before I could lose my composure but it was too late. Hot tears were rolling down my flushed cheeks. My footsteps didn't have time to sink into the sand as I made my escape. There was only one place that I had in mind.

***

I came up to the Cullen mansion with trepidation. This was reckless behaviour and I deserved to have the door slammed in my face but I didn't know what else to do. The thought of Sam knowing about my affair with Edward and the inevitable gossip that would result as he ran with his pack was too much for me to bear. What if Seth or my mom found out? Only Edward would understand.

I rang the doorbell frantically and the front door opened. "Hello gorgeous," said Emmett standing in the doorway, looking amused.

The hem of my short cotton dress twisted in my hands. "I need to see Edward," I blurted out.

His expression changed rapidly when he noticed the panic radiating from me like a bad smell.

"Yeah, sure," he said, nervous and unsure, but leading me to him nevertheless.

Edward was in the living room, sitting in front of a huge grand piano. He was hunched over the keys, playing quietly. His brow was furrowed in concentration, a look I remembered all too well. There didn't seem to be anyone else in the house.

Maybe he had a sensitive side that could read a person's emotions or maybe he just wanted to get the hell away from the crazy, mentally unhinged girl; either way Emmett left us in alone in peace, no questions asked.

The expertise of Edward's playing was intimidating, the way he played so skilfully, it made me hover nervously waiting for him to glance up from the black and white keys.

"Sam knows," I exclaimed.

He didn't flinch. "I know," he replied in a sad voice.

"How did you find out? You're not keeping tabs on me, are you?" I said, with a hint of annoyance. That mind reading shtick pissed me off at times like this.

"He came to visit me. He warned me not to go near you or I would 'pay the consequences' " He quoted Sam's words.

"I can't believe it. He came to see you?" I uttered in shock.

Edward just shrugged. "I let him say his piece and then he left."

My hand brushed the edge of the piano. The shiny black surface glided smoothly under my palm. My voice shook with emotion as I spoke. "He thinks he's protecting me. He thinks I'm some kind of victim who needs protecting but I'm not. He doesn't understand at all,"

I stared up at the ceiling, fiercely blinking back tears. I felt like I was fighting against myself. Since when did I start bawling like a baby at a drop of a hat? _Get it together, Leah, you're embarrassing yourself._

"How dare he? It's none of his business – he gave up his right to be concerned the day he left me." I fumed.

Edward took my hand and sat me down next to him. "Listen," he instructed. His long, slender fingers moved elegantly across the piano keys, playing a composition that I assumed was his own.

It started like a sad lament but it began to build as Edward hit the keys with a controlled force. It reminded me of choppy waters the way the melody kept changing abruptly; Edward hammered the keys and the sound of crashing chords echoed around the room.

I watched him closely; there was fire in his eyes, something that had been lost but was now rekindled as he played intently. The piece began to sound softer, as Edward's hands moved slowly, coaxing a soothing melody from underneath his fingers.

I don't know how to explain it properly but the piece sounded so real to me, like a living breathing thing that was filling the room with its emotion. My heart warmed to its sound and the concentrated look never left until Edward had played the final note.

"It's beautiful. What's it called?"

"_Walking thunderstorm_," he said, looking pointedly at me, with a smirk.

I couldn't help laughing. No wonder it sounded so familiar. No one had ever named a piece of music after me. Edward was so strange sometimes. It was kind of adorable.

"That's original,"

"I try," he replied.

"So, what am I going to do?" I groaned.

His hands hovered over the ivory keys. "Do what you have to do, Leah,"

"If I could grow a pair of wings, I'd fly far away from here," I said wistfully. "What are the chances of that happening?"

"It's not entirely impossible," he said, matter-of-factly.

"Oh, really?" I arched an eyebrow. "How exactly does one achieve that, O wise one?"

"Buy a plane ticket, travel the world. I know you'd like that – and before you tear me a new one – no, I did not have to read your mind to figure that one out," he said, jokingly holding his hands up to shield himself.

"Oh whatever, Edward," I laughed. "Remember to ask the Wizard of Oz for some more courage when you next visit him – your supplies are running dangerously low,"

Edward put his hands down and looked at me. "You know, we could have been good friends if we hadn't…"

I sighed, "Yeah, I know. My great idea doesn't seem so great, right now." I stretched my legs out underneath the piano and stared into my lap. _I hadn't intended this to be such a monumental fuck-up but I guess it was just another one of my many talents. _

"Travelling would be great way to lie low and escape this mess but I couldn't afford it," I told him.

"Well, if you want to travel, I can help with the finances," he said, resting an elbow on the top of the piano.

My pride instantly kicked in. "No way. You're not paying me off like some whore."

"It isn't a weakness to accept another person's help and I've never thought of you as a whore, Leah." he looked disgusted to even utter the word 'whore'. The gentleman from another era was still present in Edward. I shouldnt have felt so pleased to see him react in that way. It would make leaving so much harder…

"Don't ever be this nice to anyone else." He looked at me incredulously as I spoke. "It instantly gives you away as being non-human."

He chuckled. "There are decent, kind, nice human beings in the world, you know,"

"Oh yeah? Name one." I challenged him.

He looked at me meaningfully.

"Shut your face, Cullen. Don't you even go thinking those words unless you want to end up a pile of smokin' ashes." _Me? A Nice person? Did he get high before I arrived? Can vampires even get high? _

I swear he almost flinched at the tone of my voice. His movement was like a small vibration – barely visible to the naked eye – but my sharp eyes caught it. "Maybe if you weren't so damn scary, the 'nice Leah' would get a chance to come out,"

"Do you need a change of underwear? Jeez, chill out. Bottom line is, I need to skip town –"

"But you don't need _my_ help –" he interjected.

"No…"

"Great plan you got there." he said flatly. "Just remember, if you travel you'll never be able to escape from yourself. You'll be the best or worst travel companion you've ever had."

His words stumped me. I hated to admit it but he had a point. I was terrible company and the idea of never being able to get away from myself was…depressing to say the least. Was there really a 'nice Leah'? Edward believed so but I wasn't so sure.

"Maybe if I made myself less human and more animal-like..." I muttered to myself. The idea hit me like a lightning bolt; I could phase and travel my way around the country. It would be like a shapeshifting road trip. It wasn't exactly ideal but it was something and I wouldn't need a stack of cash to fund it. I would rather do that than accept a hand out anyway.

"You've given me a great idea. I don't need money when I can shapeshift and travel across the country." A plan started forming in my head as I got up and strode purposefully out of the living room and into the hallway.

A sudden vibration and whoosh of air swept past me as Edward appeared in front of me, blocking my exit through the front door.

"Don't leave like this," he pleaded. "I don't want you running through forests or scavenging for food or sleeping rough on this trip of yours. It's not right." he frowned.

"I'm not going to be wandering around like the little matchstick girl, Edward. I refuse to be your charity case," I said stubbornly, frowning back at him.

He pinched the bridge of his nose, closed his eyes and exhaled loudly. "I'm. Trying. To. Help. You." He opened his eyes to glare at me. "Why do you have to be so stubborn about it?"

I brushed past him. "I shouldn't have come here,"

If I had any sense I would have taken the cash and run but I didn't want to do that. It seemed like an easy way out, a get-out-of-jail free card and I didn't want to accept that because if I did, I would never learn to stand on my own two feet. Why couldn't he see that?

He spun me around to face him and backed me against the front door. "But you did come here."

"Yes, I did. And it was mighty stupid of me." I said, staring back at him.

He inched closer towards me, our noses almost touching. "I can always persuade you to…my way of thinking," he said in a velvet tone that was designed to make a girl drop her panties in two seconds flat.

The tension of the moment hung by a thread. He was either going to carry me upstairs and screw me senseless or I was going to cave in and accept his help. Before I could decide on which option I would prefer, I heard a car pulling up the drive. Whoever had gone out had come back. A look of pure terror crossed Edward's face and he instantly backed away from me. _Uh-oh, this wasn't good._

I turned around as I heard the key turning in the lock. Everything seemed to slow down as it was happening. Well, everything except my heart which hammered inside my chest. The door was pushed open and the daylight shone through as three figures stepped inside. Three pairs of eyes were immediately drawn to me.

I looked at each pair of eyes in turn. There was the glowering, perma-bitchface of Rosalie, the suspicious, narrowed eyes of Bella and – _oh god, please no. Anything but the demon spawn. Sweet baby Jesus, she's staring right at me_ – a pair of large blue eyes widened in curiosity. Nessie.

* * *

Talk about awkard! I just couldn't stop from throwing in one last cliffhanger. Why yes, I am evil. :)  
So what will Leah choose in the end? tune into the final chapter.  
Reviews make Nessie curious.


	12. Set Me Free

**Hello my pretties, it's the final chapter! You guys are so sharp and a plate of cookies goes out to those who spotted my mistake of describing Nessie's eyes as blue when they are in fact brown. My bad. You will notice in this chapter that Emmett doesn't know anything. I only realised his super vamp hearing powers would have heard Edward and  
Leah chatting after a review pointed it out. Oops! So I've tried to fudge it in the story. In my imagination, Emmett has a Nintendo Wii installed in his bedroom - which Rosalie absolutely hates - that he was completely engrossed in at the time so he missed everything when they were talking. Yeah, it's lame but the best I can do. Please don't rake me over the coals for it!**

**but nevermind that, what about Edward and Leah? Prepare to say your goodbyes. It's been a long journey for me and the characters and it all ends here.  
No more chapters or sequels for the foreseeable future (altho' never say never). I've already started another fic and regretted it because I can't even write the next chapter.  
So in the words of Michael Jackson, "_This is it_". Hope you like it.**

* * *

My body was in 'fear' mode. My muscles tensed like coiled springs ready to dash out the nearest exit. My spine shivered which I found to be a curious sensation because I wasn't about to phase. It was a shiver of revulsion at the creepy child with the tiny moist hand reaching out to me. I bit down on my lower lip to contain my scream of horror. My feet felt like they were glued to the floor.

"I didn't know we were expecting visitors, Edward." Rosalie said pointedly, folding her arms and staring at him.

Edward's eyes switched from Rosalie to me.

_Help me! For the love of god she's going to touch me. I don't want her memories of coming out the womb and facehugging Bella, _I screamed in my head and scowled at him. The half-breed was reaching for my leg.

Edward's face was devoid of emotion to the point of looking bored. All traces of panic had been quickly erased from his features. In one swoop, he scooped Nessie up into his arms and held her against his chest where she beat her fists angrily.

"Me…touch….Jacob…fwen," she gurgled, annoyed that her plans had been thwarted. Bella stepped past me and joined Edward's side.

"Jacob's friend, Leah, has to go now. She'll meet you another time, okay?" he explained in a soothing tone. _I wouldn't bet on it, Nessie, _I thought to myself.

"Why did you come here?" Rosalie's interrogation was not over.

"Rose, don't be rude to our guest," Edward chastised her. "I don't want Nessie learning bad manners like that."

Rosalie's face went sour. She did not like getting a smackdown on my behalf. _In your face, bitch,_ I thought smugly. The corner of Edward's mouth turned up slightly into an almost-crooked smile. She was about to speak when a large object hurtled down the stairs like tumbling rocks.

"Hey babe, you've kept me waiting," Emmett threw his arms around Rosalie and kissed her passionately. It was like a scene from a movie, with the tempestuous heroine being overpowered by the dashing hero with an almighty kiss. Rosalie was clearly not expecting this kind of greeting but she didn't resist as she melted in his arms. We all stood in the hallway averting our gazes and squirming with embarrassment. Edward clamped his hand over Nessie's curious eyes.

D_oes Emmett know about us? Did he hear us?_ I thought in a panic.

Edward shook his head in a small movement while catching my eye.

_No? That's good. Does he usually smooch like this with Rosalie? _

Edward sighed with a weary expression.

I couldn't imagine having to deal with this everyday. The slurping noises alone were making me nauseous. Edward coughed meaningfully which Emmett took as his cue to whisk Rosalie upstairs. She still managed to glance backwards to throw one last poisonous look at me then turned back to Emmett as they sped away.

I finally found my voice and broke the awkward silence. "Well, I should leave now," I said stepping onto the porch. "Keep an eye on Seth for me," I said to Edward.

"Wait – what do you mean?" asked Bella. "What's going on?"

"Oh, I'm going on a trip. I came here to ask Edward to watch over Seth for me while I was gone," I looked over at Edward who was stood with that blank expression I know so well. "He said he would."

I could see her crimson eyes burning with curiosity. She looked up at him quizzically. Edward stayed quiet. I held the door open and took one last look at them all.

I walked down the steps and out of Edward's life.

***

I should have known that Edward would get his way. I had returned home to find a brown manila envelope sitting innocently on my bed. It felt light in my hands, the weighty implication of the contents yet to dawn on me. I walked over to the open window which was letting in the breeze and smiled a secret smile. The ghost of his presence lingered in my room like an unexpected but welcome guest. I locked my door for privacy and slit open the envelope.

The contents spilled onto the bed. I unfolded the thin card pocket and pulled out an airline ticket. It was a round-the-world travel ticket which looked extremely expensive. There was also a blank cheque that had been signed by a name I didn't recognise. I picked up a small note with an elegant neat script that I knew belonged to Edward. I read it to myself:

_**Leah,**_

_**Don't throw this opportunity away. If you do I'll keep sending you plane tickets until you accept, and you know I have both the time and resources to keep my promise. **_

Well, it was brief and to the point and also vaguely sinister. _So typically Edward_, I thought to myself.

I took a moment to ponder the irony. I was always on the run and here I was being funded to run as far away as possible from someone who probably had a vested interest in seeing me gone. That was one rather cynical way to look at it, I suppose. Or maybe he really cared for me and wanted me to follow my dreams.

I didn't know what was real and what was false anymore but I knew I couldn't stay here. I had already mentally prepared my speech to mom about how I would be leaving. I had savings so it wasn't entirely implausible that I could afford to go abroad. Perhaps I would keep the details of the ticket quiet.

I stood up and squared my shoulders. I would need to face mom with all the courage I could conjure up. It was now or never. Mom was downstairs preparing lunch. I opened the door and headed down the stairs.

***

"You can't go,"

"I have to."

"What will we do without you?"

"You'll be fine, you always are."

"No I won't."

"Seth, don't be stubborn,"

"Why not? Works for you doesn't it?"

I groaned. "I'm going. It's final. I already have the ticket,"

Seth hadn't taken the news so well and had resorted to sulking in my presence to get me to change my mind. I was almost happy he was cross with me. It tickled a remote part in my brain that I had now established as my conscience.

He would be a hell of a lot angrier if he knew the truth of my affair with Edward. Whenever Seth came home, I was always nervously waiting for him to storm into my room to demand the truth. So far, Sam had managed to retain the secret with what I imagined to be a Herculean effort. I was quietly grateful for that.

I had to convince myself I wasn't abandoning him. He had mom and Charlie, the pack, the Cullens and his school friends to make up for my lack of presence. It wasn't like I wasn't coming back.

"The house will feel empty without you," he whined from his side of the sofa.

For some reason I thought of dad and felt a wave of sadness. "I'm not leaving you forever. I'm coming back," I said firmly. "And just think of all those exciting fishing trips you'll be on when I'm away. You won't even notice I'm gone. You and Charlie could get matching fishing caps to wear."

He smiled despite himself. "No way! I'm not wearing matching anything."

I laughed. "See? You don't really want your sarcastic mean old sister here do you?"

"Yes, I do." He mumbled feebly.

I didn't reply. The silence was filled by the sounds of the TV which I stared at aimlessly with a lump in my throat.

***

_Dear Edward,_

_I'm currently sunning myself on a beach in Goa, India as I compose this letter. The sun is warm and yellow and it burns the whole sky a warm ochre colour. It's strange to think that the same sun we enjoy the world over can seem so different from one place to the next. It's like it has a different personality each time you meet it in another foreign sky. I'm digressing now. I talk about the weather a lot ever since I visited Britain. Those guys are obsessed with it and I guess it's rubbed off on me. _

_I'm chattering away on the assumption you have this letter and that it hasn't fallen into enemy hands. I made Seth swear on his life that he would hand deliver this letter to you. If he didn't, I said I wouldn't come home for another six months and I wouldn't bring him any souvenirs. _

_I know I can trust him. He didn't even ask me why, he just agreed to do it. I told him I had the best brother in the world and I swear I could hear him beaming with pride down the telephone line!_

_I hope that you are well. I would ask how the family are but…I'd rather not. I want to fill you in on the details of my departure seeing as you weren't there to witness it. I impressed myself by making things up with Jacob before I left. _

_Your dear son-in-law and I had fallen out quite badly a while ago and we hadn't spoken since. I didn't want to leave things as they were and plucked up the courage to see him. It was a prickly encounter but we worked through it. _

_If I remember correctly I was sat down on the worn out old sofa while Jacob sat across from me with guarded eyes._

_It was my shining moment to be the bigger person. "I've come here to say…" I took a deep, cleansing breath. "As you've probably heard, I'm going away for a while and I just wanted to stop by and clear the air between us before I left."_

_I looked up at him expectantly, Jacob was so amiable I was hoping he would show me that warm smile of his and tell me to forget all about it. However, he remained stony faced; he was not about to let me off the hook so easily. I must have hurt him real bad. _

"_Okay, I'm sorry, Jake. I was a monumental bitch to you and I regret it. I really do."_

_His stiffened posture loosened a little. "It wasn't just you. I said some dumb stuff too,"_

"_You were a complete jerkface to me," I added. _

"_Thank you for your choice words, Leah." he said sarcastically. "I was a jerk and I'm sorry too." He sank into his seat. "We really know how to push each other's buttons, huh?" he said with a half smile._

"_Yes, we do," I said, smiling back at him. "I'm glad I'm not travelling with you."_

"_Oh, really?" he exclaimed. "Why is that?"_

"_We'd never make it back alive." I said, breaking into laughter._

_He nodded in agreement. "That's true."_

_Oh, Edward, it felt so good to have my friend back. I know he'll be there when I come back. I think I'm quite spoilt by the amount of people who care for me. I find it amusing that I used to think I was so lonely; I thought I was facing the world alone, and yet when I do exactly that, travelling on my own, I find that my bonds to everyone back home are stronger than ever. I even find myself missing Charlie sometimes. _

_Not that I don't enjoy meeting new people. I've met some of the kindest people on my travels and yet I couldn't even tell you their name. Like the guy who bought me a soda when I didn't have enough change at Dubai airport. Or the lady who offered me a seat on a packed Tokyo train._

_You should see my passport. I have so many stamps on it, each one a little inked badge of honour. I've walked the desert in Nairobi, admired the Pyramids, rode a camel (those creatures are so bad tempered I got flashbacks of Rosalie), tasted real Italian ice cream, seen the panoramic view of Paris from the Eiffel Tower, shopped in Oxford Street, London, ate noodles sold by street vendors in Seoul, taken photos of Tokyo's neon nights, posed in front of the Taj Mahal, been on safari in South Africa (the lions looked appetising, you would have enjoyed it), swam in clear blue waters in Jamaica…_

_You've probably crossed the globe an infinite number of times so this is old news to you so I won't bore you with any more details. So here I am, sitting under a palm tree writing this letter. Are you reading this letter and asking yourself 'does she miss me?' That's the million dollar question, right? _

_At least, I hope that's the question you're asking if you haven't thrown this letter away already. Seth told me on the phone that the weekend meet ups between the Cullens and the tribe have descended into a kind of Fight Club and last time the boys were bare-knuckle fighting. He said you broke a few jaws to win the title. I knew all that testosterone floating around was bound to have some kind of effect. Boys will be boys I suppose. _

_In my head, I can't help wondering if the fighting is some kind of replacement for me. You get all the cheap thrills without having to cheat on your wife in the process. I think of you at the oddest times. I'll be drifting off to sleep when your face appears with that concentrated look I treasured so much and suddenly I don't feel like sleeping anymore… _

_Do you remember our first time? I did. I was sat on a plane when I burst out laughing. I had to convince the old lady next to me that it was an article from the airplane magazine that I was flicking through that had cracked me up but she wasn't buying it and shifted slightly away from me. I've learnt to bite my lip to stop my mouth from curling upwards whenever I think of you. _

_Having all this time to myself I wonder if I ever loved you or if you ever loved me. In the shade of this palm tree, I feel like I can see things clearly now. I don't feel sad that things ended between us. We still share the same sun, the same memories, we're just in different places in our lives now. We don't belong to each other. We never did. _

_So burn this letter and let the ashes be scattered by the wind. It will turn to dust just as our relationship did. Because in the end, our affair was doomed and that is what made it so beautiful. _

_Love Leah x_

_Le fin_

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A bundle of kisses to everyone who enjoyed my fic and took time out to review it. You guys rock my world. Good and bad, I've enjoyed them all.  
It wasn't a happily ever after ending that some of you wanted but sometimes you just have to cherish the good moments where you can.


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